MANILA, Philippines?I?ve been playing romantic leads in musicals since I was 18 (sure, I played Luisa in ?The Fantasticks? when I was 17, but I didn?t have to kiss my leading man at the time, who gave me the deserved nickname, ?Tweetums? because of my ? ahem ? youth and innocence, neither of which I possess anymore), so finding myself in a romantic onstage clinch is old hat.

However, although I?ve chalked up a lot of time doing lip-locks with various leading men throughout my career, one thing always enters my mind when I start work on a new production that has such a scene: ?This is going to be awkward. Really, really awkward.?

I can still remember, during work for the West End production of ?Miss Saigon,? the frustration that my director and producer experienced, because of my? well, inexperience.

Nightmare

The first rehearsal for ?Sun and Moon? was a bit of a nightmare, no thanks to the fact that I wasn?t exactly looking forward to a kissing scene with someone I had practically just met. It was completely new for me (and for select parts of my anatomy), but I have to thank Nicholas Hytner and Simon Bowman for their incredible understanding and patience. I did eventually get the hang of things, but it was a long road getting there.

At first, the kiss was a perfunctory peck on the lips, nothing too threatening, nothing too passionate or too heavy? which would have been completely unbelievable to the audience if it had remained this way. I mean, if I was watching this scene unfold before my eyes, how was I to believe that these two had spent a night rolling in the hay, risen to sing a romantic duet, only for it to end with a kindergarten smooch? No dice.

During our technical period (close to the first preview? which meant that stress levels for everyone was going through the roof), I still hadn?t gotten the romance and passion down. The love story between Kim and Chris was crucial? integral? wholly bloody important to this musical? and I wasn?t getting any of it right. I didn?t know where to put my hands? how to touch my partner? how to kiss. It was awful, absolutely painful to experience? and I didn?t have a clue how to fix it. Even though my mother and quite a few other members of the company generously offered advice and tried with all their might to help me gain insight into the romantic heart, none of it really stuck. I belatedly thank them all, but as with many other things in life, I had to figure this out on my own.

Finally, Nicholas Hytner took matters into his own hands. Rather, between the sheets, with my Chris, Simon Bowman.

While we were onstage rehearsing ?The Fall of Saigon? (or ?Kim?s Nightmare? ? appropriate title, given the circumstances), in his exasperation, he told me to get off the bed that I was sharing with Simon. He then sat on the bed beside Simon, and instructed the rehearsal pianist to start playing the music for the scene. Nick proceeded to then grab? paw? maul? make amorous advances? hug? embrace? demonstrate in explicit detail exactly what he wanted me to do, what the team was expecting from me for many, many weeks.

Cue the heavenly choir! Hallelujah! That was my epiphany, the key that unlocked a very heavy iron gate? the light finally shone through! From that point on, playing the romance and passion was something much easier to do? and at times, a lot of fun as well.

The most important thing that made this awkward time ease into comfort was trust. I had to trust the man I was going to fling myself at every day, whose lips I would kiss and whose body I would have to run my hands over. (It may sound like a dream, but it was terror to this very conservative 18-year-old girl.) I had to feel safe in the arms of this man? I needed to know that all would go well, and that I would be all right.

Perhaps there was this part of me that felt I would be viewed as a harlot for engaging in such scenes at such a young age. Then again, maybe I was just being paranoid. After all, my father did appease me about coming out in a bikini on stage (it wouldn?t be a big deal, he said, and truly, it wasn?t? no one labeled me a bold star at any point during ?Miss Saigon?s? run), so I guess sharing an onstage kiss wouldn?t be a big deal, either. And it wasn?t.

Unforgettable

As the West End run was coming to an end, I knew that I would miss the man that was my onstage boyfriend for over a year? of course it goes without saying that everyone that came after him was great, too? but since he was my first, I shall never forget him. You never ever forget your first time.

It is now around 19 years after that first onstage kiss? and I?m currently in rehearsals to play ?Cinderella,? a romantic lead opposite yet another leading man with whom I will share many onstage kisses. This time around, I?m happy to report, the process has been so much easier.

No one will have to see Bobby Garcia have a romp in the hay with Prince Charming (Peter Saide) anytime soon, just to show me how it?s supposed to be done. Thank God.