MANILA, Philippines?Host: After watching our contestant?s performance, in the last portion we will ask our judges to announce the winner.

Cohost: So, please stay tuned for the next-tense-filled moment!

(Tense-filled moment? ?You really are tense!)

* * *

Host: Your performance was good, but dapat more rapport?dapat nagtitinginan kayo, but not necessarily sa mata.

(Papano?ilong sa ilong?)

Contestant

Contestant: How can I improve?

Judge: If you work harder on your number, it will be good. But, it?s already good.

(Make up your mind!)

* * *

Host to contestant: You are safe, you can relax.

Cohost: Yes, Puwede ka na magpahinga ng maluwag.

(You mean, huminga ng maluwag?)

* * *

Host: Why don?t you give a tip to this contestant to raise her score next time?

Judge: If you want to win, you need to give more than 120 percent!

(How do we do that?)

* * *

Judge in singing tilt for children: OK naman ang song mo?kaya lang, dapat mag-ingat tayo sa ating modulation.

(Dear judge, you?re talking to a child.)

* * *

Host: What about for this dancer, what can you say?

Judge: Your number is sexy but you were not so. To do justice to this kind of dance, you need more sultery dance moves.

(Sultery? Does that rhyme with adultery?)

Extraneous life

Host: I heard you were hospitalized last week?

Guest: Yes, from exhaustion. In show biz kasi, we live a very extraneous life.

(Yeah, many of us really are extraneous!)

* * *

Host: What about you?what was your medical problem?

Second guest: I?m having a hard time with my bowel.

(That?s more information than we want to know?please!)

* * *

Host: And, you?

Third guest: I don?t have a problem. I?m carefree?because I don?t even care!

(How redundant can you get?)

* * *

Host: So there you have it, celebrities talking about health and all that.

Cohost: To all our guests, thank you for sharing your healthful!

(Kuya, may kulang yata . . .)