MANILA, Philippines - ?My real name is Beethoven del Valle Bunaga. My father named me after the German composer Ludwig van Beethoven, not because we almost shared the same birthday?mine?s Dec. 17, 1969; his Dec. 16, 199 years earlier?but because my father saw a copy of Beethoven?s record in his boss? office and didn?t know that Beethoven was a surname. My stage name is derived from two performers I admire: Michael Jackson and Filipino singer Gary V.?
Yessir, that?s Michael V, in the September issue of Reader?s Digest Asia, which also has a four-page (okay, mini pages) spread on some well-known stand-up comics? funniest lines. Three examples:
Emo Philips: How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.
Conan O?Brien: Lego has announced that they are shutting down its US factory and moving it to Mexico. Employees say it?s their fault because they made the factory too easy to take apart and rebuild somewhere else.
Jay Leno: I went into a McDonald?s yesterday and said, ?I?d like some fries.? The girl at the counter said, ?Would you like some fries with that??
Show town blues
After announcements on the illnesses of music stars Francis Magalona and Ely Buendia and the deaths of radio legend Tiya Dely Magpayo and comedian Zorayda Sanchez, come news of more show biz personalities with serious afflictions:
Afflicted Personality 1: a well-loved TV director reportedly diagnosed with colon cancer. AP2: the daughter of a movie queen who purportedly has breast cancer. AP3: a TV host?s young daughter battling brain tumor.
There?s also talk of an industry leader who had a stroke but is now recovering.
These distressing reports should make show biz folk shun petty quarrels and negativity. Pronto.
Isabel?s SOS
Rushes received a text message from singer-actress Isabel Granada, requesting for prayers because she was to undergo surgery in Angeles, Pampanga.
After a few days, she sent another SMS, saying the operation to remove a myoma was successful.
Missing boylet
Handsome Newcomer was fast on his way to fame after topping a singing contest on TV.
But his career has screeched to a halt and he?s missing in action. The official reason given: he was suspended for tardiness.
A mole insists, though, that HN?s career hit a brick wall after he rejected the sexual advances of an Aging Gay who?s the best buddy of a network exec.
Hunk ostracized
At a high-profile party, the presence of Older Female?s Hunky Boyfriend was not acknowledged.
As in, says a spy, HB was snubbed! That?s because the program was handled by OF?s daughter, who?s almost the same age as HB, and apparently hates his guts.
Unhappy comeback kid
After a splashy comeback, Drama Actor is considering quitting the biz again.
DA has allegedly met with Top Network Exec to decline an extension of his run on a soap opera.
Reason: DA is unhappy with his current controversial manager and wants to hook up with an equally feisty (and equally scandalous) manager.
Break-up corner
Dennis Trillo insists he has parted ways with on-and-off girlfriend Cristine Reyes. (Readers, roll your eyes now.)
He says hectic skeds got in the way and the decision was mutual. He was busy on the sets of ?Mag-Ingat Ka Sa ? Kulam? and ?Gagambino?; she, on the sets of ?Banana Split? and ?Eva Fonda.?
?We lost contact,? Trillo says. ?We seldom saw each other.?
Promise?
Dante?s visa
?Ploning? director Dante Garcia was nervous about applying for a US visa. ?I have a pending petition, and I thought I?d be given a hard time.?
When the consul asked about the purpose of his trip, Dante told it like it is: ?My film is the Philippine entry in the Oscars.? The consul, amazed, said, ?Wow, how long have you been directing??
?It?s my first film,? Garcia quipped. (He also directed a GMA 7 news special on five Philippine presidents, airing on Sept. 21.)
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Top of the tabloids
The top show biz stories in local tabloids this week. (And why we are moved, if we are moved.)
Answers, please
?Bakit naka-shades si Gabby Concepcion sa loob ng sinehan? (Nasilaw? Napaiyak? Nakatulog?)
?Willie Revillame, ipambabala lang si Pokwang laban kay Joey De Leon? (Ayos.)
?Sam Milby at Anne Curtis nadadalas ang away? (Kayo naman. Let?s give it another month.)
?Billy Crawford at Nikki Gil, di lang mag-MU, sila na talaga? (Okey lang kay Mommy Gil?)
?Dominic Ochoa atat nang magkaanak? (Aba, he can?t do that alone!)
?Michelle Madrigal at Pauleen Luna, di pa rin nagpapansinan? (And we should care because ? ?)
?Edu Manzano binebeybi ng dyowa? (We hear it works.)
?Marjorie Barretto, nagpalaglag? (This one?s making the rounds.)
Lloydie?s kiss
?Maxene Magalona nilaplap ni Wendell Ramos. (Laptop? Lap dance?)
?John Lloyd Cruz gustong tikman ng mga bading! (Oo nga. May kilala kaming isa.)
?Jolina Magdangal, dinedma ang ?behind? ni Dennis! (Why, where, when and how could she?)
?John Lloyd nagnakaw ng halik! (Ows, may police report?)
?Dennis Trillo, 1 minutong nakipaglaplapan sa aktres na Italyana! (Laplapan na naman? Actress nga kaya ?yon?)
Work it
?Maxene todo-kayod para kay Francis M. (?Di naman siguro.)
?Dahil sa kawalan ng trabaho sa ABS, Bea Alonzo inatake ng depresyon. (At nadulas sa fashion show, ha?)
?Tambalang Mark Herras at Jennylyn Mercado ibabalik na. (Nakup, sabi na nga ba e.)
In the mood for love
?Aiko Melendez type makipagbati kay Ara Mina. (Baka hindi, tanong n?yo uli.)
?Aiko boto kay Pops Fernandez para kay Jomari Yllana. (Tanong n?yo rin ?to.)
?Aiko masaya sa dyowang politico! (O, siya, ?wag na itanong. Kasi pala, masaya siya.)
?Lorna Tolentino pinangakuan ng 100 camel ng Arab na nabighani sa kanya! (Joke lang siguro. Pa?no naman niya iuuwi, aber?)
Fighting mood
?Cristine Reyes nag-iiyak nang iwan ni Dennis Trillo. (She?ll get over it.)
?Gretchen Barretto rumesbak sa mga kaaway ni Marjorie! (Pati kay ano ? ?)
?Naninira kay Marjorie mga bobo! (Saka may funding, hula lang namin.)
?Rhian Ramos tinarayan uli ni Alessandra de Rossi. (Why are we not surprised?)
??Pag nagsalita ako medyo foul na rin ? pero may respeto ako kay Ms Claudine.?Angel (Enough na ?to, ha?)
?Echo pormal nang tinuldukan ang relasyon nila ni Heart! (Why are we not convinced?)
(Bandera, Tumbok)
Email us: rushes@inquirer.com.ph
