MANILA, Philippines?Have you noticed? (Most) Everybody in this country is a comedian?especially if he appears on TV. Even if an interview is fairly serious, both show host and guests will try to crack a joke or two, just to let viewers know that they?re fun people.

Being regarded as a fun person is important in these parts, because we?ve been programmed to please, to be agreeable, ?presentable,? a regular life of the party?even if there?s no party!

Trouble is, while many people aspire to at least amateur comedian-hood, they lack experience and training for their fun avocation, and end up as more TH than OK. So, to raise the bar a little in this regard, we?re running some veteran comedians? tips on how to tell a good joke well. Would-be stand-up comics and all-around jokesters, read on:

Comic premise

First, place your weight evenly on both feet. State your comic premise. (For example, ?Guy calls home. Woman answers the phone. Guy says, ?Hello, is this the new maid???) Hands and eyebrows up to creat aura of bogus innocence. Cigar recommended, but size and quality should reflect the joke and its teller.

The joke continues: (?Woman says, ?Yes.? Guy says, ?Could you put my wife on the phone??) Notes: Never say the woman. Never say and. When in doubt, talk like Tonto.

(?Maid says, ?No.? Guy says, ?Why not???) Don?t do different voices, it?s too hard for most people. Just shift body weight to create alternate points of view.

(?Maid says, ?Well, she?s in the bedroom, and she?s in bed with the mailman.?) Use thumb to create spatial integrity. Initiate increased cigar activity.

(?Guy says, ?She is, is she? All right, this is what I want you to do. I want you to go into the den, get the gun out of the top drawer of my desk. It?s loaded. Then, go back to the bedroom, and I want you to shoot them both. Don?t worry, I?m a big lawyer, I?ll get you off??) Here, employ universal I?ll-take-care-of-you gesture and unpleasant attorney face. Emote!

(?Maid says, ?okay,? and puts the phone down. Guy listens and hears two faint shots.?) Really make them ?hear? those shots. If people had good imaginations, they wouldn?t be listening to you.

(?Maid comes back and says, ?Okay, it?s done.?) Ratchet it up a notch. This is real life-and-death stuff we?re talking about here.

(?Guy says, ?All right. Now, I want you to take both bodies and throw them in the swimming pool.?) Tension! Intrigue! Suspense! With the punchline just ahead, you?ve got them by the premise. Don?t let go!

(?Maid says, ?What pool??) Grab your face to create Brechtian alienation from subject matter.

(?Guy says, ?Is this 555-9051??) Don?t forget to hand up the phone when you?re done. use cigar to stifle unforgivable display of self-bemusement. Smirk around the edges, if you must.

Pointers

If those tips have left you wanting more (just maybe), Ann Curry, cohost of NBC?s ?Today? show recently enrolled in stand-up comic ?school? on a dare, and shares these additional pointers, which she picked up from some name comic-tutors:

In comedy, timing is everything. Yes, that?s one of the oldest clichés in show business, but it happens to be true.

Also important are: For comic material, you need to dig deep into your own experiences, relationships, fears, things you most love?and hate.

Nice isn?t funny, nasty is. Talk about what really makes you angry! Your audience will empathize and love the cathartic outlet you provide for their own complaints.

So, keep it personal. More technically, don?t start with ?Have you ever noticed?? (oops) or ?Did you hear the one about...??

In this connection, don?t tell old jokes. Use only the fewest possible props. And (this tip comes from Curry herself)?lots of deodorant!

Japanese mother

So, how did Curry do on her first gig in a comedy club as a first-time stand-up comedienne? Spectacularly! Very wisely, she followed her mentors? advice to take her material from her personal experience, and talked about her Japanese mother?a real character whose outbursts, as impersonated by Curry, brought the house down.

Let?s hope that other would-be comedians also follow veteran comics? pointers, so they?ll be similarly successful!