Only in Hollywood
Fascinating and quotable as ever
By Ruben V. Nepales
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 22:45:00 11/07/2008
Filed Under: Entertainment (general), Celebrities
LOS ANGELES—“I can have an opinion on anything. Honestly, just give me a minute.”
“I wish you would stop using the past tense. I’m feeling a bit dead.”
Those were among the quotable quotes dished by Debra Winger, fascinating and opinionated as usual, in our recent press conference with her. The actress, who made a career breakthrough in such films as “Urban Cowboy,” “An Officer and a Gentleman” and “Terms of Endearment,” appears in director Jonathan Demme’s critically acclaimed “Rachel Getting Married.” She plays the mother of Kym (Anne Hathaway), who is in drug rehab and is estranged from her family, and Rachel (Rosemarie DeWitt), whose wedding forces tensions and conflicts to surface. Intentionally shot like a beautiful “home movie,” “Rachel…” is also imbued by Jonathan and his fine cast with moments of joy, music and passion. There’s talk of award nominations for the movie.
Some moviegoers, whose image of Debra is still of that iconic beauty in “Urban Cowboy” and “An Officer,” gasp at the sight of the actress playing a mother. Debra herself shared how some journalists expected her to look in person, just like the matriarch she plays: “Interviewers were coming into the room looking for me. I waved my hand and they said, ‘Oh, but you look so different from the film!’ I said, ‘Oh, you’ve forgotten that I’m playing a character. I put more grey in my hair.’ I played a woman whom I thought has been through a really hard experience. Thank God I haven’t had that sort of trauma. I believe that it would do something to me that I wouldn’t be able to change, and I want to see that look. I see faces all the time that are kind of beautiful in their tragic quality. How are we going to tell stories if we don’t leave our faces alone?” Excerpts from the interview:
What were the best and worst weddings you’ve attended?
The worst wedding is when everybody’s lying. And the best wedding, I would be silly to say it was not my own, but I like weddings without a lot of drama. It hardly ever happens that it’s just sort of a naturally occurring phenomenon, where two people want to proclaim their love, sign papers, and do all those things you have to do when you’re married. But, people seem obsessed with it!
Did you lose your interest in acting at some point?
No. But, I did lose my interest in the business and what I had to go through to make a film. It became too tiring. I felt saturated, like a sponge. It was no good. So, I spent some years airing out.
Was it your decision to take a break from acting?
Oh no. That’s what I was talking about. There came a time when I just felt saturated. And I wanted to stop and reassess what it was I was doing, because the ratio of the scripts I was reading that I loved and wanted to do was very small compared to the ones that I would have to do to be able to stay in the business. I had a fellowship at Harvard and taught there. I did some stage work. I wrote a book.
What is your book called?
It’s called “Undiscovered.” It’s a collection of essays that I wrote over the last decade or so. Then, I had a child. I stayed busy until it seemed interesting again. Part of what’s interesting to me is being able to be age-appropriate. At the time that I stopped, I felt like there was a forced perkiness that just wasn’t happening for me anymore. Women have transitional ages, and more so than men. I didn’t want to play younger than I was, and I wasn’t ready to play older. I just wanted to find roles for who I was. Now, that seems like it might be possible.
Did you think you lost some roles then because some people felt you were too opinionated?
Yeah, I definitely think I lose out to a certain degree on that. There are people who don’t want to work with me because I’m going to engage in a conversation about the aspects of the work that I’m concerned with. I’m not going to be shy about it.
But, as I said, when I was younger, I probably didn’t understand something basic about tact. It keeps fainthearted people at arms’ distance, and that’s not such a bad thing. Life is short. I know who I want to work with. They’re strong, and they’re able to engage in a conversation. I figure without being bombastic and tactless, I’ll try to soldier on.
What was interesting in this movie was how the children need to turn to their parents and how receptive the parents are to their problems. How receptive are you to your own kids?
I would say that the reason I find that question compelling is it’s not so much about my advice-giving or my personal experience as a mother. Watching the film the night before, I was taken by what I first felt when I read the script—which, in the jumble of shooting, I was distanced from: That we’re only as good as we’re willing to look at ourselves constantly. Our parents were more from a school where when you went home, as you became an adult, you were seen as the same as when you were a child. And, when you walked through your parents’ house, you felt as if you were in your childhood in some weird way, because our parents didn’t move, groove and change all that much after a certain age.
So, with my kids, I feel I have a different relationship, because I’m still exploring life. I’m still curious. I’m not the mother that had them. I’m 21 years older and I’m interested in new things, and my kids still have to ask me, “What are you going to do next?” I never asked my parents that. I knew exactly what they were doing next. Maybe, this way, we can stay alive as parents. The film addresses what happens if you don’t process a trauma.
Do you think you would have done better if you lived in the days when stars were under contract with studios that imposed discipline on their talents?
I would have died, so it wouldn’t have mattered!
What are you looking forward to?
I’m 53 years old. I have an exceptionally happy life. I’m looking now to play women my age.
What is your view on ageism in Hollywood?
We, meaning women, participate. It’s always a deeper question than you’re able to address. We have a love-hate relationship with the idea of beauty. We love to buy those magazines and look at those glossy pictures, but then, when we wake up in the morning, we look in the mirror—and we don’t look like that! Then, we go and get cut, sliced and diced, and injected, and I have no judgment on those who choose to do that, but it’s violent. Sometimes, women are their own worst enemy. I have women in my life who I think are gorgeous, who don’t fall into that definition of gorgeous, sexy and really smart. They don’t have time for that. If you have time to look that good, you’re not doing something else.
I do as much as I can in the time I have to look the best I can, short of cutting myself, because I still think of those words. I don’t call it a facelift, it’s cutting yourself. It’s an opinion that’s based on any kind of violence that I don’t like.
Everybody makes his own choice, and Hollywood likes it. People pay to see movies with women looking beautiful, so it’s okay. There will be a place for me to play women looking my own age.
Are you surprised at how happy and fulfilled you can be as you mature?
Shocked. I thought I was doomed because, in some way, when you’re young and dramatic, you almost have enough life in you to explore the darkness. But, I convinced myself that it was going to be just a downhill slope after this big high when you’re young. I knew I was riding it. But, imagine my surprise when I got to do things that I wasn’t even big enough to imagine. I thought I was so smart, and I never was even able to imagine it. So I can only say that I feel great humility about what I thought I knew.
If I were to sit here and tell you that I know what’s going to happen in the next 20 or 30 years, I would be a fool. But, I’m sure something is going to happen all the time. But, thank you, it’s nice to hear it, sort of concisely. I thought Harvard was an amazing experience for me. I got to learn, even though I was there on a fellowship and teaching. I felt that the best thing you could feel in a classroom was learning more from the students than I might be able to give them. It’s a two-way thing.
What did you teach at Harvard?
I taught a course in the literature of social reflection. It was like a syllabus for life. It was aimed to get undergraduates right before they go out to the world on a fast course—to a banking job or a doctor, to pre-med, whatever, to get them to read a book without a highlighting pen.
It was an awakening for a lot of kids who only read to get the right grade. If somebody is studying to be a doctor and you give them Chekhov—who was a doctor—it can be a mind-expanding experience. So, it was a good experience!
E-mail rvnepales_5585@yahoo.com, and read his blog, “The Nepales Report,” on http://blogs.inquirer.net/nepalesreport.
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