MANILA, Philippines?Dear readers, may these bemusing boners bring a smile to your lips this Yuletide season. Merry Christmas!:

Host: Your face looks flushed. Are you OK?

Cohost: Not really?I have a running fever.

(Running fever?is that what comes after a running nose?)

***

Host: What special operations have the police prepared this Christmas?

Guest: With so many people shopping, we have new operations in place against pickpocketeers.

(Pickpocketeers?like racketeers? ?Pickpockets? would suffice, thanks.)

Activity

Host: How is your school doing, after three years of activity?

Guest: I?m happy to report, we now have 300 in our children.

(But, the way you say it, we?re not that happy to hear...)

***

Host: When will you announce a bigger gas price rollback to reflect the big drop in the price of oil?

Guest: It?s up to our bosses. Hinihintay lang namin ang proceed nila.

(Proceed away!)

***

Host: You have been accused of asking for kickbacks in government contracts. Your response?

Guest: Who said so? Tell me his name, because I want to defunct his claim!

(As long as you don?t render him defunct!)

***

Host: If people feel like they?re stagnating, what can they do to energize their lives and careers?

Guest: They need to act and explode other new options, possibilities.

(Exploration is OK, but no explosions, please!)

***

Host: How sure are you that your predictions for next year will actually happen?

Guest: I use reliable tools and analysis, so I can sure.

(We?re not so?sure...)

Casualties

Host: What are the casualties in the road accident?

Guest: According to the police, three bodies were found dead...

(E ?di kasi naman...)

***

Host: What are the qualities of a good interviewer?

Guest: Very important, you have to be really interested when converting with your guest.

(Conversing is one thing, but conversion is something else again!)

***

Host: You did not play so far in this season?

Guest: No, I had to get surgery on my front elbow.

(?Uh, where?)

***

Host: So, how will the impasse be resolved, finally?

Guest: We just have to implement the group?s decision without further do!

(On the contrary, a further ?do? is precisely what we need.)