MANILA, Philippines?Hayden Kho went on TV recently to explain the breakup of his ?May-October? affair with Vicki Belo. Instead of getting some relief or sympathy, however, the hunky medic dug himself into an even deeper hole.

It was OK for him to own up to occasional acts of infidelity, and to apologize to his lady love with all his heart. But, it was not OK for him to identify his ?fling? (Katrina Halili). It?s the woman in a relationship, no matter how brief or shallow, who?s allowed to name her paramour; guys are not supposed to ?kiss and tell,? at least, not in public?and definitely not on TV.

Admission

Kho?s second boner was his admission that the breakup with Vicki had affected him so much that he had tried to hasten his departure from this vale of tears. Never mind that the attempt was just a cry for help or forgiveness?the depressed doctor?s revelation turned off many viewers, precisely because he was a doctor. Physicians are supposed to do their best to save lives, so any talk of self-destructive impulses cannot be countenanced.

As if this wasn?t bad enough, Katrina Halili came up with her own sour notes when she finally went public with her side of the story. Yes, she admitted, she did have a brief affair?but, she had already realized the error of her ways and had learned from it, so people shouldn?t pass judgment on her.

Oops, wait a minute. Katrina?s ?confession? also came off badly, because she was taking on too many roles for herself. Her ?role? was to make her confession and ask for forgiveness and understanding for her ethical lapse. It was the public?s role to do the forgiving and understanding.

So, for Katrina to say that people shouldn?t judge her was one step too quick. That could have come in due time, but with Katrina?s preemptory statement, that?s less than likely.

Off-the-cuff reactions

Public figures like Hayden and Katrina should realize that televised ?confessions? cannot be off-the-cuff reactions and remarks, and must be carefully phrased to make sure that no sour notes are struck.

Particularly when the ?issue? is controversial and volatile, stellar protagonists and antagonists have to keep reminding themselves that a declaration or revelation can either succeed or fail depending on their judicious choice of words.

Sometimes, even a single word can mean the difference between emerging from a scandal smelling like roses?and exuding a fetid aroma that no amount of PR perfumery can cover up.