MANILA, Philippines?BB Gandanghari talked about Rustom Padilla in the third person and in the past tense, consistently and without apology.
?We once saw you walking your dog at The Fort,? someone blurted in the course of this two-hour conversation.
?Ah, yes, Rustom used to do that,? BB said softly, eyes dancing.
The country first caught a glimpse of BB at the Urian Awards last October. Then the actor quietly slipped out of the country and?now we know?embarked on a ?journey of self-discovery? in New York, a process that began?now we realize?four decades earlier.
In previous interviews, Rustom, already Gandanghari though not yet BB (read on), recalled that he had grown up in a ?homophobic environment.? To say the least, Rustom said, it was painful.
Last week, in this intriguing and insightful exchange, BB remained willfully in character?and what a beguiling character she turned out to be.
So much so that she caused a commotion in the usually sedate Inquirer office. (The last time fans broke into a closed-door interview for snapshots was when older brother Robin Padilla was in the hot seat.)
After the interview, when it came time to decide whether to refer to BB as a ?he? or a ?she? in the resulting story, we didn?t even have to take a vote.
How long does it take you to get dolled up?
Like today? Not very long. I just tied my hair up and put a little powder. Siguro an hour, kasama na ang ligo. Rustom took longer.
Why do you think?
Everything is much simpler now.
Could that be because you were wearing a costume and this is the real you?
Maybe. Also, I wasn?t comfortable with my curly hair. I really wanted it straight.
Knowing now what you didn?t know then, would you say you have a newfound respect for women?
Oh yes. Do you realize how much care a woman?s body needs? For example, it takes so long to grow fingernails. Tagal ha! Nagpa-French tip manicure ako, and three days later, nagchi-chip. na. Nakakaloka! Hindi naman ako puwedeng humarap sa inyo na bitak-bitak ang kuko ko! (Laughs) Iba ang worries ng mga babae.
Apart from fingernails, what are those other concerns?
When you go out, hindi puwedeng gulo-gulo ang buhok. You can?t hang out in clubs and stand in a corner... a lady isn?t supposed to do that. Kaya I stay home na lang.
How long did it take for BB to emerge?
It?s a process, and still ongoing. But I?ve realized that BB has been around even before I met her.
Was it a long decision?
I wouldn?t say it was a decision because I never planned this. When you discover yourself everything that was vague becomes clear.
What was the turning point?
I simply began to feel that Rustom ... had reached a dead end.
Was being a presenter at the Urian the big coming out?
That wasn?t BB; that was just Rustom playing BB.
So where did you meet BB?
In New York, when I started going out with [new] friends who just knew me as BB. They had no idea who I used to be.
Where did ?BB? come from?
If I were to parent myself and give me a name, I?d pick Binibini. My real name is Binibini Gandanghari; BB for short.
And Gandanghari?
That?s the name of a real girl from the University of Santo Tomas. My sister Rema told me about her. A niece of ours joined the Miss UST contest, and the reigning queen was named Gandanghari.
BB?s back story seems pretty solid.
Yes, she?s a real person. Every day, I?m discovering more about her.
Is it easy for you to talk about this?
About BB? Yes!
Which took more courage?the Urian episode or BB?s recent homecoming?
Some people call that courage; I call it fear of God. In everything I do, my only [consideration] is: Is it acceptable to God? For as long as it is, I?m not afraid of anything.
That was precisely your mom?s (Eva Carino) behest.
Of course. So when I got the chance to talk to my mom on the phone, I told her that I was taking responsibility for my actions and that I?ll be a good girl! (Laughs.)
How did you prepare, while in New York, for BB?s homecoming?
I did Pilates. I went to modeling school [where] my classmates were 14 to 15-year-olds. They start young there. Imagine, ang lola mo nag-modeling class with teenagers.
Did you have to re-learn how to walk?
I watched the professional models closely, but the true training comes in real life. I wanted very much to learn, so [once] I walked on Fifth Avenue in high heels. It was so hard. Akala ko gugulong ako pauwi!
How did Pilates benefit you?
I believe in finding one?s core. Pilates helped me with balance. All those stretching exercises also helped. Rustom was 5?10?. BB is 5?11?. When I left for the US in October, my waistline was 30; now, it?s 25. I worked very hard. My goal was to be a lady.
How?s your regimen now?
I used to run, too, but now I?m too busy. I want to do yoga for flexibility. May weights kasi sa Pilates. Ayokong magka-muscles.
Did you have to go on a diet, too?
No, I eat anything. You have to eat what your body craves ... what it craves, it needs. For example, kung nagke-crave ako ng baboy?kailangan ng katawan ko ang baboy. (Laughs.)
Your features have become softer as well.
Maybe it?s my state of mind. I believe in the power of the mind. When I started life as BB, lumabas ang hip bone ko! (Laughs.) Nagka-cheekbones din ako. I told you, mind over matter. Minamasahe ko ang cheekbones ko every day. I cheer them on. Go, go, go! (Laughs)
And your eyebrows have a life of their own. Look at them go up and down!
I?ve been training them. I also massage them all the time.
What?s next, a reproductive system?
Well, binabalaan ko na kayo!
Speaking of Rustom dying, is there any part of him that you want to hang on to?
Rustom was God-fearing?that?s a good thing.
Some people didn?t like it when you said Rustom was dead.
But he is dead. When I saw my half-brother Roger recently, I told him, ?Nice to meet you.? He was puzzled. I said, ?You haven?t seen me like this before. It?s like we?re meeting for the first time.?
Do you keep a journal?
I just hope that when I need to remember? I would remember everything I have to remember.
Not everybody who went through your process is this clear and focused about it.
I continue to pray for that also. I hope God will help me, so that this experience will help others understand their own lives.
How?s your pet Labrador Iman? Did he recognize BB?
Of course! Ang mga dogs, hindi sila tumitingin sa physical lang. What they tune in to is the person?s essence. That?s what we are missing as people. Dapat nga mas sensitive tayo, di ba?
You mentioned that you made new friends in New York. Were they all non-show biz and foreigners?
May foreigners. May Filipinos. The Filipinos knew of Rustom but most of them didn?t really get to know him. So they know me only as BB.
Where did BB go to pee in New York?
Everywhere. (Laughs.) I went to the ladies? room. Lakasan din ng loob. It would have been more scandalous for BB to use the men?s room.
How about now, here, when you?re in public?
Of course I also go to the ladies? room, where people treat me like a lady nga e. Pinapa-una pa nga ako ng ibang girls. Mas gentleman pa sila! (Laughs)
Do you see BB falling in love?
Oh, definitely. I don?t want to grow old alone.
Is BB in love now?
Not yet e.
What are you looking for in a partner?
A human being. Huwag naman si Iman. (Laughs.) I want someone who will inspire me and make me more beautiful. Dapat ang lalake pinapaganda ang babae.
Are there candidates?
Wala. I don?t even go out here. In New York, I went out on dates.
Did anyone court BB in the US?
May nakipag-friends lang. BB was very young?barely legal! BB was very confused pa then. So meet-and-greet lang ang naganap.
Who are your friends here?
Sina Rufa Mae (Quinto), Mylene (Dizon), Bing (Loyzaga).
Are you like the girls of ?Sex and the City? when you get together?
Without the Sex! Nakakalungkot.
Who do you relate to among the ?Sex and the City? girls?
Definitely not Samantha because I don?t sleep around. But I like Samantha?s assertive personality. I relate with Charlotte, pero naka-base naman sa lalake ang kaligayahan niya.
And BB?s not like that?
No, no, no. Karagdagan lang ang lalake sa kaligayahan ko. (Laughs.) They make me happy lang; they don?t complete me.
What are your career plans?
Under negotiations pa lahat. Although basically, I?ll be a working girl. I?m planning a one-act show and I?ll go full blast with my web site (http://www.gandang.thepoc.net). And later, maybe a film and a book.
Do you think this is your last reinvention? Are there other characters in store?
Who knows? Baka next time, I?ll come back as a kalapati (dove)! Or a mariposa (monarch butterfly)!
Do you think it would be difficult to find roles for BB?
I?ve got some concepts lined up. I can play transsexuals?babae pero may pinagdaanan.
Speaking of which, are you going to do a ?Transamerica? and completely cross over?
That?s a very big decision. It?s not something you choose to do overnight. Too complicated. I?m very comfortable with myself right now. Life is a journey and it?s OK to take baby steps.
Have you seen Rustom?s ex-wife Carmina Villaroel lately?
We haven?t bumped into each other.
How would you introduce BB to her?
Maybe I?ll say, ?Hi.? Hopefully someone will introduce us. Kasi ang hirap naman. But I?ve heard a lot about her and I think she?s a good person.
Do you foresee a tough time introducing BB to the Padillas?
I think it will be very hard. Like I said, baby steps.
How do you conduct yourself so people will not look at you as a mere curiosity?
I?m just trying to be good at what I do. But it really boils down to your own self-respect. If you have self-respect, people will catch that. Meanwhile, I have to be prepared for anything. Or, umiwas na lang sa gulo.
Is that why you don?t go out that much?
Yes. Anyway, ang babae naman hindi talaga dapat pakalat-kalat kung saan-saan..
***
When BB stepped out of the Inquirer building after this longish exchange, she stopped traffic along Chino Roces Avenue, as commuters craned their necks out of jeepneys to catch a glimpse of the leggy beauty being mobbed by cell phone-toting admirers.
Earlier, BB let it slip that Rustom?s last full-length interview was with the Inquirer.
It was only fitting, she declared, that BB should make her grand debut here as well.
What a lady!
