HOST: What have you learned about growing old?

Guest: The older you are, the happy you are!

(Well, that?s one way of looking at it.)

* * *

Host: Do you drink a lot?

Guest: I do not drink, not even alcohol.

(Figure that out!)

Contestant

Host: What didn?t you like about this particular contestant this week?

Guest: It?s clear, meron siyang altitude problem.

(He has a high-flying ego, huh?)

* * *

Host: What are you against?

Guest: I?m against bad evil.

(?As opposed to the other kind?)

* * *

Host: How differently are you bringing up your kids from the way that you yourself were brought up?

Guest: Ganoon din?ginagawa ko ?yung strict ng tatay ko sa mga anak ko ngayon.

(Quote, unquote!)

* * *

Host: Can you tell the contestant your reaction to his performance?

Juror: Hindi ko nakikita sa mga mata mo na you?re hungry.

(Maybe he just had a snack?)

* * *

Host: Describe to us what you do in entrapment?

Police officer: In entrapment, huhulihin mo lang ang mga suspected na ano.

(That easy, huh?)

* * *

Host: Do you like your life now?

Guest: Definitely. Ang mga rubbing-elbows ko ngayon, mga celebrity.

(Well, rub a-dub-dub!)

* * *

Host: What do you have lined up for your ceremonies this morning?

Guest: Our first ceremony is the ground-baking ceremony at 8 a.m.

(It?s a hot day, so bake away.)

Guest speaker

Host: Ang una nating ipakikilala ngayon ay ang ating guest speaker. Bigyan natin siya ng isang kulang-pansin!

(Ang sakit mo naman magsalita...)

* * *

Host: Who were the other people present at the hearing?

Remote announcer: Also present at the hearing were the lawyers of the acute.

(That?s so?cute!)

* * *

Host: Who do you want to introduce now?

Cohost: At this point, we would like to introduce our steamed judges.

(Yeah, looks like they?re really boiling mad . . .)

* * *

Host: What was your first job as a cook?

Guest: Unang-una, nagtrabaho ako as a bakery.

(Well, you gotta start somewhere . . .)