DEAR EMILY,

I am 38, my husband is 42. His work is to uplift the morale of his subordinates, male and female. I accidentally discovered that he was an ?angel,? ?brother? and ?lover? to one of them. He denied what I thought he was doing and said he?d already solved the ?problem.?

I know my husband loves me. But the thought that something actually happened keeps coming back in my mind. This is aggravated by his beliefs: men are born polygamous; having an affair with another woman doesn?t lessen the husband?s love for his wife; an individual has a right to privacy, meaning he can keep secrets in his cell phone, e-mails and chatroom.

Am I being paranoid? Is he correct in his beliefs? Or is he just justifying his weaknesses? I plan to go abroad for a while but I am afraid that if I leave him, he will become more vulnerable to temptations.

M

Any wife would be paranoid knowing something like this is brewing between her husband?s ears. Your husband apparently takes his job so seriously that when a woman cries out for help in affairs of the heart, he takes it upon himself to help her ? himself. He sure has a dandy job.

Going abroad may not do much to save or break your marriage. Knowing what you do about your husband?s weakness, it probably wouldn?t matter if you were here or abroad. He?d do what he wants ? when he wants it, where he wants it. Just like in the jungle, mates come in different forms and proclivities ? there are the loyal penguins and painted dogs, loving jackals, womanizing sea lions, one-shot leopards and tigers, subservient hyena, maternal male sea horses ? and on and on. Your husband is unmistakably an ape, who, though he?d stay on with his family, will always have a roving eye.

It?s too late to do something about his DNA. But, you can still tame his ?savage beast? by making him realize his obligations to his children, if you have any. Eventually, after playing the field and having his fill of lust and love, tell him to pray hard that people like you who love him without conditions will still be around to give him the warmth and care when he needs it most.

P.S. Did I say he?s a creep as well?

(E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle.)