LOS ANGELES?Hugh Grant may worry about turning 50 this year and having panic attacks, but those don?t stop him from being wickedly amusing at interviews. If Hugh?s answer about his history with animals in the Q & A below doesn?t make you laugh, we don?t know what will.

The British actor stars with Sarah Jessica Parker in the comedy, ?Did You Hear About the Morgans?? They portray a New York couple who witnesses a crime, goes into a witness-protection program in America?s heartland, and try to reignite their passion while hiding from a criminal and a bear. Excerpts:

You will turn 50 this year. Are you worried about that? Are you buying more cream now?

No, I don?t like it much. I started to do Pilates to keep me young (laughter). I go to a place in London where there are all these attractive young girls and this one sad, hung-over old man (laughter)?me.

why is Hugh Grant feeling old?

To be honest, I don?t feel that old. I think I?m rather young and sprightly, but then, it?s one of those things where you see pictures of yourself, and you think, ?Christ, who is that old man?? Someone took my picture in London the other day, and the newspaper said the next day that I looked every one of my 49 years?very tired and portly (laughter). I?m quite crushed.

What is it exactly about turning 50 that bothers you?

It?s not a good number. We all have the age terror. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I do slightly feel that.

The movie touches on how we live with our BlackBerrys, phones and computers, and yet, when your character and Sarah Jessica?s are sent off, their lives actually go on. How dependent are you on technology?

Like everyone else, I?ve become an addict so badly that, while you were talking, my pocket suddenly throbbed (laughter). Oh, I?d like to get that, but it?s worse than that, there?s no phone in there. It?s a phantom phone vibration. I?m so used to having it in there that my thigh throbs anyway (laughter). How weird is that?

Can you talk about Sarah Jessica?

She?s my polar opposite, in the sense that I do almost nothing in life, while she literally never stops. She?s permanently on her BlackBerry. All day long, running, producing ?Sex and the City 2.? She has a perfume business, a clothes brand, three children, and a husband. She?s a high-energy New York girl. Meanwhile, I?m lying around reading a detective novel (laughter).

You work with a bear in this film. How are you with animals?

My then girlfriend had two dogs, both of them insane (laughter). The first one was a giant poodle that she inherited from a gay gentleman who had died. The poodle was the campiest thing I?ve ever come across. The dog got furious when it didn?t get its fur clipped every week. It went into a sulk. So, we took it to the pet place once a week. We got so bored of taking the poodle there that we just put it in a taxi by itself (laughter). When they were done clipping, the people at the pet place also put it in a taxi, and it would come back.

Then, my girlfriend inherited a German Shepherd. That was a troubled dog, because it has been stabbed by burglars. So, it wanted to kill anyone who came into the house, which is a drawback (laughter). The rule was that, if anyone came for a visit, you had to hide the dog first, get the people in, then very slowly bring the dog out on this huge chain and introduce it to the people. Then, it usually didn?t kill them (laughter).

But, there was one terrible day when I had just arrived in LA. I was upstairs having a snooze. My girlfriend?s flatmate opened the door to a producer, and she forgot to lock the dog away. It snuck out and bit the man?s mouth off. There was this terrible howling downstairs. I went down, and there was the producer wandering around the house saying, ?A dog bit my f***ing mouth off.?

I tried to be English about it and said, ?I?m sure it hasn?t, old boy. Let?s take a look at that.? But, the dog really had bitten him. So, I went to look for the lip. The dog was licking its lips. It has clearly devoured the producer?s lip. It was a difficult situation. I had to take the poor man to the hospital, where they created a new lip out of his bum. They allowed the dog to live because, apparently, California is a two-bite state. Did you know that?

We see a growing number of mature actors who have not settled down. What do you think is the reason?

I don?t know. In my case, it?s quite difficult. I look at life and see some very happy relationships?but I also see the vast majority as not being all that happy.

I couldn?t put my hand on my heart and say that being in a relationship is a natural state for a human being. It might be, and I might be wrong. There?s that book from the ?60s, ?The Naked Ape.? Remember that? It was written by Desmond Morris. He was a zoologist who turned his attention from animals to humans. It?s a book about how we have descended from two kinds of apes?one who lives in the trees, and the other by the sea. One of them is monogamous, and the other a complete slut (laughter). And, because we?re descended from both, we?re torn between those two instincts all the time (laughter).

Were you joking when you were quoted as saying that you have panic attacks?

I wasn?t joking about the panic attacks. They?ve been growing over the years. I got the first one during ?Notting Hill.? Then, there would always be two or three during a film. When I was shooting ?Music and Lyrics,? I had a lot. I don?t know why, but they come during the easiest scenes. It?s humiliating. I can barely speak, so you have to throw the scene away.

Do you think you?ll make a good father?

I don?t know. I used to be very self-conscious around children. Now, I find that I?m better at it. I used to treat them as children, but it?s much better if you just treat them as adults. I know how to do that. I know how not to try too hard. If you do very little, they come to you.

E-mail rvnepales_5585@yahoo.com, and read his blog, ?The Nepales Report,? on http://blogs.inquirer.net/nepalesreport.