ABS-CBN?s ?PILIPINAS GOT TALENT? is the latest reality show franchise in instant-TV-ratings heaven. Patterned after ?Britain?s Got Talent???American Idol? judge Simon Cowell?s brainchild?it is a nationwide open audition for all those eager to show their gifts to the world and, maybe, find fame and fortune.

But unlike in the original show, of the judges in the local version, only Freddie Garcia is a bona fide starmaker. Even so, what the former ABS-CBN president and CEO says isn?t always helpful; sometimes he merely adds fuel to the fire of ridicule, at the contestants? expense.

The other two judges, Ai Ai de las Alas and Kris Aquino, are famous for their tactless, thunder-stealing brand of entertainment. Here, they indulge in capricious criticism?and what does that achieve in the guise of tasteless humor? Perhaps give contestants a taste of how brutal the biz is.

In the March 6 episode, Patricia Guerrero sang Skid Row?s ?I Remember You? but failed to make a mark. She tried to exit gracefully, saying, ?I appreciate this opportunity ?? To which Ai Ai retorted, ?Ako, no.?

The peanut gallery cackled.

Cavite?s Jeremiah Velasco sang Justin Bieber?s ?One Time? and got the axe. Kris said she was wrong in initially intuiting he had talent. Ai Ai was bored: ?Ano ba yan, walang kakwenta-kwenta. Parang nagsayang ka lang ng kuryente!? Freddie added, ?Tama si Kris ? May talent ka, kaya lang hindi maganda.?

Philip Reynold Payot from Cagayan De Oro tried to do a song and comedy skit but was told by Kris, ?Malayo ka kay Regine.? Ai Ai was more direct: ??Di ka nakakatawa.?

Next was Kapidamu, a band of 10- to 16-year-olds from Quezon. When they said they?d be doing their own composition, Freddie wrote them off before they even began. The young ones were unfazed and proved him wrong when the audience gave them love. ?I promise you, sisikat kayo nang husto,? Kris conceded.

Flame Master Cebu was next, fire-dancers who wore flammable-looking adornments. After the performance, the judges said, ?Off the fire!? The group survived the round.

Then Rey, a barber, played bass with his feet as he strummed the guitar with his arms and worked the harmonica ? as he sang ?Stand by Me.? His incredible coordination was praiseworthy, but Ai Ai, singing along, distracted from his (as well as the other contestants?) few minutes of fame. Perhaps the show?s director could ?off? the judges? mics during performances?

Next was Baguio Metamorphosis, an odd combo of break- and belly-dancers. They went through to the next round. Last performance was by Josephine Aton, a single mom with zero confidence. Her tearful back story was summed up, thus: ?I just want to show that I have talent. I want my parents to see how good I am.? Of course, Kris? first question, incredibly sensitive and relevant, had to be, ?How much do you weigh?? (The reply was 256 lbs.)

Josephine blew everyone away when she sang ?I Believe? with all her heart. She wept when the crowd applauded and chanted ?One more!?

Filipinos are known for creativity, but also for ?crab mentality.? The title ?Pilipinas Got Talent? is almost like stating the obvious. What?s immensely amusing is the assumption that programs in this mold manage to employ the right talent spotters. Then again, who am I to be the judge of that?