LET?S START WITH READER M.C. Collantes? contribution: ?This may not be a laugh-out-loud booboo, but it?s really weird: I?m referring to the tagline of a commercial that goes, ?Have a happy period!? As many women will tell you, there?s nothing happy about a period, so what are they talking about? This is so far removed from reality that they should air this commercial on TV on the planet Mars, where possibly, just possibly, the periods are so much fun!?
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Host: How is your love life now? Do you fight with your boyfriend?
Guest: No, we?re good. If we fight, it?s nothing?just pretty quarrels.
(Pretty quarrels? ?That?s pretty gosh-darn cute!)
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Host: When did you become such an art lover? Did you take it up in school?
Guest: No, I was first exposed when I went to Europe.
(Exposed in Europe? Gasp!)
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Host: Will you make a movie now that your TV series is popular with viewers?
Guest: Kung may offer, why not? Pero, busy kami, so hindi ngayon, sa ahead.
(You?re so forward-looking...)
Surrogate mother
Host: I hear you?re planning to have a baby?
Guest: Yes, but I need some help, so my sister, siya ang magiging surrogate mother ko.
(Your surrogate mother? Ano ba talaga, ate?)
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Host: How are you as a husband?
Guest: OK naman, mabait naman ako sa kanila.
(?Teka, ilan ba ang misis mo?)
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Host: Will you run again for public office three years from now?
Guest: Maybe, if more people will, I hope?
Host: What do you mean?
Guest: I mean, I hope that, if so, the subject will pursue itself!
(Ah, please repeat?)
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Host: Are you close to your parents, your family?
Guest: Of course, it?s the most important. Like the ?motto,? ?All for one, one for once!?
(That?s not how the ?motto? goes.)
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Host: How do you feel about your coming-up wedding?
Guest: It?s exciting, like a mood of baited bread!
(We know exactly what you mean!)
***
Host: What do you want to say to our new president?
Guest: Now that you are our new president, do your best for the country, because a moment of the truth has arrived!
(?It?s the truth that counts!)
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Host: We hear that robberies have been increasing, especially near the University Belt. What are the policemen doing about it?
Guest: It?s true, so they have to be extra alert, watching out for petty criminals engaging in grabbing?lalo na ?yung neckless.
(If somebody grabs your necklace, let?s hope you don?t end up as the neckless wounded!)
***
Host: You want to greet our viewers and tell them about your show today?
Guest: OK. Maganda ang mga topic and guest sa show ngayon?sana, masiyahan ako.
(Ah, baliktad yata...)
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Host: Do you have a boyfriend now?
Guest: Right now? ?No.
Host: Why not, you?re so hard to please?
Guest: Not really, kaya lang, in our work, ?di ba marami tayong busy?
(Hey, speak for yourself.)
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Host: Tell us about your guesting tomorrow. What role are you playing?
Guest: I?m vacationing in the province, in an old house, and a ghost kept hunting me!
(One man?s haunting is another man?s hunting...)
Sex education
Host: What can you say to child advocates who object to sex education for grade school children?
Guest: We assure them that it will be handled in a serious way, definitely not to tay-tillate.
(Oops, wrong pronunciation, sir...)
***
Host: Because of the criticism you?ve gotten, will you change your stand on this controversial issue?
Guest: No, definitely not. I stand with my ground.
(No comment.)
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Host: What do you want to say to all of your female fans who keep buying your albums and watching your shows?
Guest: What more but thank you all the girls!
(No comment na naman.)
***
Host: Talk about your new TV drama?is it exciting? Scary? What do you want the viewers to feel?
Guest: Yes, scary, like you got electri-cated!
(Absolutely no comment.)
