MANILA, Philippines ? Dear Emily,
I have been married two years and have one child. I discovered recently that my husband is cheating on me with his officemate who I had met before.
She is also married with kids. I do not know how long their affair has been going on but he is denying it. Instinct tells me that it is a real full-blown loving relationship.
He swears their relationship is nothing but really close friendship and some flirting. Nevertheless, I have taken matters into my own hands. I have threatened the woman to leave her job or I will be forced to inform their HR (human resource) department and her husband about my discovery. I have their text messages to each other that suggest their affair.
Did I do the right thing? I cannot take the fact that my family is suffering and I am in terrible pain while the woman can get away with her misdemeanor. My husband has a history of cheating on his ex-girlfriend, but it did not seem that he committed such an act when he was my boyfriend then fiancé.
Should I continue forcing the woman to leave or should I simply deal with my husband? I may be forcing this woman out, but if it is not her, it will be some other woman.
My husband is now making amends and is giving more attention to our family. I am trying to rebuild my trust. But her presence in the office is so bothersome. They are most likely still in touch and I cannot live with that.
WIFE IN LIMBO
My, my, you have only been married two years and you are already in limbo?
Should you not still be in your honeymoon stage? Did you not see this coming before you got married? Has he always had this ?problem??
You can tell the HR and the woman?s husband about her affair with your husband. In fact the whole world may know about it for all he cares. It will still be no skin off his nose if flirting and having affairs is in his personality.
As you clearly said, if it was not her, it would be some other woman.
I would rather you did not air your dirty laundry in public. That way, hypocritical as it may seem, you and your husband are able to maintain a semblance of civility in this society that is becoming rude, crude and dirty.
There is enough ill will and you will appreciate and respect yourself more for being classy by not subjecting yourself to this mano a mano with someone you should not even be talking to!
If your husband is still young, you can bet your sweet life that this will not be the end of your troubles. How strong is your relationship with him? Is there enough love in you to carry this recurring load over and over and over? What is going on in your mind? Are you making plans for any eventuality?
In times of anguish, remember always that you are the wife―period. You have a legal personality. You carry his name. All the others will just be concubines and mistresses who will only have your husband in the sly and in the shadows.
This is, of course, no consolation, but then again, your husband is something you cannot return to the store. Tell him to shape up for life is too short for misery! Ask him not to make it any shorter.
E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle, or send your letters to Inquirer. Log on to www.pbs.gov.ph and listen to Ms Marcelo co-host the program ?Kalikasan Vigilante,? 7:15-8:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, on dwBR 104.3 FM.
