MANILA, Philippines - Several years ago, a complete stranger approached me at a cocktail reception and told me I looked like a happy wife. The woman said she had been observing me across the room. It turned out she was gathering material for a book on successful marriages and felt I could be material for her project.

I told her that Chito Sobrepeña is my best friend, roommate and preferred companion any given day of the week. This has come to be so after 24 years of being married.

There are no hard and fast rules to being a happy corporate wife. But I have found some principles helpful.

1. Don?t see work as competition for his attention. Chito likes his work and he likes doing it well. That meant time beyond the prescribed office hours. Instead of cultivating a sense of guilt for being away from me, I made our time together pleasant and relaxing. No matter how late he arrived home, I would have food he enjoyed served for dinner and sit with him, listening to what kept him busy throughout the day.

2. Take an interest in his work. The office isn?t just a place where he goes to most of the day. Work wasn?t just what paid the bills and afforded personal pleasures. He found satisfaction in his occupation. It was good to expand my understanding of things other than my natural inclinations. So I would sit in conferences he participated in, attend workshops and meetings when it was allowable, and get a feel of the milieu he was immersed in most of the week. I learned terminologies like CSR, business complementation, management re-engineering, vision-mission goals that allowed us to share a common language.

3. Get to know the company. Knowing what the company does, the goals, the services and the culture help to see what his efforts and enthusiasm is all about. The distinct personality of the corporation reflects values manifested in the activities. I could support what I understood. It was easier to support his schedule and his responsibilities when I knew what they were about. It also made it comfortable for me to be among his colleagues and principals, knowing that they stood for. I made the effort to know the names of people he worked with.

4. Get to know his staff, especially those he relies on. My first Christmas as Chito?s fiancée was spent wrapping gifts for his staff, right down to the janitors and the photocopying-machine operator. He was a manager with many people reporting to him, all of whom he knew by name. The presents were tokens of his appreciation and he has maintained this practice even when the list became a whole notebook of names. I have taken over the gift-giving responsibility, knowing these are the people who help him get the work done and allow him to come home to me earlier than if he didn?t have them around.

5. Buy into the culture. The company puts a premium on client relationships. During social events hosted by the bank, all the officers would make sure the guests were attended to. None of them ate till the latter part of the reception to make sure that guests were sufficiently fed. Knowing this, I would take a light merienda before going to the functions. It kept me from going after the hors d?ouevres being passed around. I could stay focused on assignments he would give. He would brief me on who were coming and ask me to look out for certain people to make sure they felt comfortable and attended to.

6. Attend company events. The bank hosts several occasions that included spouses. It wasn?t mandatory to be there but accepting the invitation honors the hosts. It was also an opportunity to appreciate the principals and convey this with presence. Adjusting my schedule to be with him for these gatherings goes a long way in letting him and his bosses know I support his work. Besides, having gotten to know them, it no longer becomes a duty but a pleasure to get together even in a business setting. I do organize lunches with the senior women officers so we can meet informally for girls? downtime.

7. Dress the part. Shortly after Chito joined the bank, I was invited to a dinner with the officers and their wives. Unsure about the dress code, I came in what I felt was a safe choice, black tunic over black pants to follow the prescribed casual indicated in the invitation. That was the last time I wore noir. It wasn?t forbidden, but it was not an auspicious color. I certainly did not want to offend sensibilities that associated the color with foreboding. Besides, I like color. I do like being adventurous occasionally but considering the conservative nature of the company, I am mindful to stay along the classic lines which suit me fine.

8. Cultivate the art of enjoying company and conversation. Knowing who will be at a reception or dinner gives me time to pick up a few notes for conversation starters. I don?t need to pretend to be well versed but at least will know the nature of business or the interest of the persons. One gentlemen complimented my husband for having a good conversationalist for a wife. To think all I did was let him tell me about his work, nod and encourage him to go on. Being attentive, maintaining eye contact and not dominating conversation can keep an exchange running well.

9. Throw a party. Entertaining is part of our lives. It isn?t enough to just enjoy people, it is just as important to make sure they enjoy themselves. The right mix of people, a relaxed setting and a mind for their comfort add up to a pleasurable gathering. It?s a good venue to network, enhance and strengthen partnerships. Paying attention to details can make a difference in building ties. I remember hosting a dinner where one of the guests was strictly vegetarian and could only eat the salad. Guests appreciate the effort for special concerns and it would have certainly made Chito feel better had I prepared a mushroom risotto or a grilled Portobello. Fortunately, an excellent kitchen staff was able to whip up something quickly and all went well.

10. Appreciate his work. Chito?s company has won numerous awards but it means a lot to him that the people he lives with share in the joys of his accomplishments. One of the early stories he would tell me was how his mother was always there to pin the medals for academic honors he earned in school. Her presence in itself was cause for pride. It isn?t always about earning distinctions. It?s also about being affirmed in the work he does. It is meaningful to him and appreciating what he does is appreciating him. I have created a special room for his many awards, certificates and citations as a way of giving value to what he does.

The author is an editor of Lifestyle Asia magazine, and is married to Chito Sobrepeña, executive vice president of Metrobank, president of Metrobank Foundation, Manila Doctors Hospital and Manila Doctors College. They have three children: Gabriel, 22; Raquel, 18; and Michaela, 16.