MANILA, Philippines ? Dear Emily,

Some time ago I discovered my husband?s indiscretion with another woman, which I suppose is already over. Since then, I lost my complete trust in him and suspected that that heartrending incident was not the only one that happened in our 40 years of marriage. I feel like a hypocrite trying to appear and act normal while all along my mind keeps on thinking about this.

Will I be better off if I confront my husband and ask him about his other affairs?if he will have the guts to admit them? I am not sure though how I could take it if it turns out that there was or were others in the past. I just feel that I cannot rest until the truth is out.

IN LIMBO

Why would you want to know the past if they?re already in the past? So you can create new wounds and pour vinegar on them? What good would that do now, considering that you already lost your complete trust in your husband after knowing of just one affair? Will you bury him alive or let ants eat his balls while he?s asleep, should you discover there?d been one or two more in his life?

Sure it hurts to know that your 40-year-old marriage was quite crowded with other participants once upon a time. It certainly diminishes the warm memories of all the years of loving and caring and growing old together. But at this stage, shouldn?t you be already magnanimous to the old creep?knowing that he carried his obnoxiousness well by sparing you the agony of the shame and embarrassment of his affair or affairs in his youth?

Let sleeping dogs lie. And don?t be a hypocrite by pretending to have a happy face when all you want to do is nail him to the wall. Scream at him, curse him to high heavens, and be done with it. Wring dry every imaginable heartache you have and move on. There?s a limit to every hurt, every tear and every pain. Time heals all wounds and eventually, you won?t even remember what it was that he did to make you angry?once upon a time.

E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle, or send your letters to Inquirer. Log on to www.pbs.gov.ph and listen to Ms Marcelo co-host the program ?Kalikasan Vigilante,? 7:15-8:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, on dwBR 104.3 FM.