MANILA, Philippines ? Dear Emily,
I have been based abroad for almost 5 years now. And I can very much relate to what you wrote last week when you pointed to the mother who was complaining about her not ambitious son, ?Sure, they?re (his classmates) earning a lot abroad. But have you factored in their homesickness, depression or anxiety? Have you taken into account the interminable stress from the constant expectations from the families they?ve left behind? You never hear about these hardships. All you see are the trappings of wealth their families enjoy.?
Ouch! How I wish my family?my mom, my dad and my brother, read that. It?s as if you were writing my life story. It?s exactly what I wanted them to hear. They don?t realize how really very difficult it is to live away from home, especially in a place where there are clashes in faith and culture. There are countless sleepless nights when I would miss home so much that all I can do is cry and pray for strength. But as OFWs, we have no choice but to accept what is imposed on us and to live by their rules. On top of this, we OFWs constantly worry about the security of our jobs. One wrong move and we may be asked to go home. To survive, I have persisted and worked very hard. For the past four and a half years, I have been religiously sending allowance and spending money for my parents and unemployed brother. I feel that the amount I send them is enough for them to live comfortably. With my simple lifestyle and strict budget, I was able to save up. I took a loan to invest in a property my parents are now living in, including my brother and his family. But every time I call to check on how everyone is doing, the standard line of my mom would be ?Anak, what you?re sending us is not enough.? That really breaks my heart. Sometimes, she doesn?t even ask anymore how I am doing this side of the world. All that matters is their monthly remittance. I have been the breadwinner for the past 23 years and I have done everything to help them live a decent life. I am getting fed up with this situation and I am getting tired of providing for them. I am happy to share my blessings, but why do I feel so burdened and trapped. Is it a sin if all of a sudden, I stop supporting my family? What if I just walk away and leave them so they can start fending for themselves? When is enough really enough?
Name Withheld Upon Request
Why is everyone in your family totally dependent on you? Are your parents and brother all disabled, meaning, can?t walk, can?t talk, use their hands, or breathe on their own? If they?re none of the above, what are they doing with their lives 24/7 besides waiting for their monthly allowance from you? In the 23 years you?ve supported them, you should have taught everyone of them to fish, instead of giving them their fish already on a silver platter!
How can your brother get married and remain jobless? Wasn?t he able to acquire any skills? Can he at least drive and be a taxi driver? Or a salesman? Or kargador in the market? He is adding mouths to feed and populating the earth, but has not found it important to provide for their everyday needs? Isn?t there something wrong with that picture? How about your parents?is it possible for them to start a carinderia or a sari-sari store?anything at this stage to add to their income if what you?re sending is never enough?
You have every right to complain. And it?s never too late to set right what has been going wrong for a long, long time. You ask?is it a sin to stop supporting your family? I?m the wrong person to answer that question! I define sin as doing something you absolutely hate doing. Ergo, in my book, you?ve already been committing a sin all these years.
E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle, or send your letters to Inquirer. Log on to www.pbs.gov.ph and listen to Ms Marcelo co-host the program ?Kalikasan Vigilante,? 7:15-8:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, on dwBR 104.3 FM.
