MANILA, Philippines?Often we ignore a problem even if it is already staring at us in the face. By the time that we feel the repercussions of the problem, the damage has already been done and it may be too late.

Such is the phenomenon of children with mothers who are overseas Filipino workers or OFWs. Theirs is a plight that is not often talked about, and in many cases, sadly ignored. Today, there are over eight million Filipinos who work or reside in 194 countries all over the globe.

The economic benefits of large-scale migration are well known and documented. Sen. Mar Roxas has admitted that OFWs ?have kept us afloat over the last few years and are thus a central leg of our economy.? We sing praises for the modern-day hero or heroine who is the OFW. But heroism at what cost to the Filipino family?

Dr. Honey Carandang?s latest book, ?Nawala Ang Ilaw Ng Tahanan: Families Left Behind By Filipino Mothers,? to be released by Anvil Publishing later this month, outlines the problems this phenomenon has burdened our country with and provides several solutions on what government and the private sector can do to help these families.

Feeling of sadness

Carandang says that what is common among the families is the pervading feeling of sadness and a deep longing for the mother to come home. Accompanying this sadness is a need and wish for family togetherness?the desire to be ?whole again? (mabuo ang pamilya).

Carandang?s study cites the need for the fathers who are left behind to be given assistance in learning how to run the house, take care of their children and to find support systems so that their own needs are met. Fathers need help in accepting their new role and integrating this into their usual perception that of being the family breadwinner.

There are many viable resources outside the nuclear family that are and can be of great help. For example, support systems can be found in grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

Constant communication

The school is a valuable and vital resource that can be tapped to help the family. Carandang stresses that since a lot of children find happiness and fulfillment in school, teachers can be trained on how to listen to children of OFWs and help them accordingly.

The quality of the marital relationship between the OFW and the spouse she has left behind can be improved through constant communication via phone or e-mail. Strong communication between husband and wife makes a big difference in the life of the family that has been left behind. Family rituals and a regular prayer time can help the members feel ?family togetherness,? enabling them to recapture happy family memories.

A strong sense of sadness and disappointment was quite evident in many of the subjects interviewed for Carandang?s book. Most of the families felt that their lives did not really improve when the mother left to work overseas. Many of them still lacked money and were sad that the family was not intact.

What then can be done to help alleviate the plight of these families that have been left behind? ?All hope is not lost,? Carandang says. Though there are financial gains, the emotional costs can be damaging and many children are deeply wounded by the absence of a mother. ?This is why we need to act now and urgently create programs for the families left behind in order to lessen the blow brought about by the mother?s leaving and to help rebuild the family despite the absence of the mother,? she explains.

Healing power

?It is important that the healing power of play be recognized and that these children are allowed to play,? she says. It is through play that children get to release and express their feelings about their situation?for example, the fear of being alone.

?Allowing the child to play helps the child gain power over the situation,? she stresses.

Sadly, this is often not the case because when the OFW mother leaves, all the members of the family, including the children, adjust and are expected to help out with the household chores and responsibilities.

Sometimes, because of the many responsibilities put on them, they may no longer have time to play. There are times when a father who is stressed out will scold or prohibit the child from playing because of the many chores that need to be done.

No to expensive toys

Another important area that needs to be addressed is the propensity of OFW mothers to buy expensive toys. Many OFW mothers spend a lot of money buying expensive toys for their children, sometimes as a means of compensating for the absence.

Carandang suggests that there be programs to help the mothers validate their experiences and acknowledge their feelings of guilt due to the absence.

?Instead of compensating by buying expensive toys, it is more important for the mother to communicate and express her loving feelings to her children on a regular basis.?

Regularity of communication and its reliability is very important to a child because in doing so, the child will know when their mother will call and they are able to have a sense of emotional security that comes with the predictability.

Carandang explains that schools need to be well informed about the dynamics of the families of their students with OFW mothers so that they will know how to handle these students. Workshops and seminars that teach educators listening skills can be very valuable.

The fathers, who are left behind, need just as much help, too.

Support group

?Fathers need to be part of a support group where they are comfortable enough to ask for help and advice in the areas of household chores and child-rearing. Barangays where there is a huge population of husbands of OFWs should ideally have classes or support groups that teach the various skills that men are not usually equipped with,? Carandang says. ?These groups can incorporate stress management activities where the men can be also taught how to take care of themselves-emotionally and spiritually.?

A 2007 Nielsen report cites that one of the largest expenditures an OFW family has is that of cell phone usage. On the average, more than P1,000 per month is spent on cellular phone bills. Among the top five items on a OFWs wish list is the purchase of a family home.

The study also says that OFW families own more television sets than the general population and that ABS-CBN is the network of choice of 64 percent of the families who participated in this survey.

Bearing this in mind, perhaps it is only fitting and morally correct for these institutions to set up, or at least support, the creation of programs for OFWs and their families. At the very least, it would be a small way of paying it forward and directly helping in strengthening the fabric of these Filipino families who have been left behind.

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