MANILA, Philippines ? Dear Emily,
We were a very happy couple who have been married for almost 15 years until I found out that my wife is having an affair. The pain is just unbearable because we are the best of friends. We did everything together?we traveled, we dated every week, we got drunk, we talked until the wee hours of the morning. I thought our relationship was strong but I was mistaken.
My wife carried on an affair with a childhood friend for almost four months.
There was no physical contact in their relationship for they carried on with it through e-mail, text and chat because the guy works somewhere in the Middle East. She admitted to it, saying she was sorry. She said she did it because of the excitement, the novelty and the heady feeling of being in love.
I forgave her but later I found out that she was still at it. When I confronted her, she admitted that she is in love with the guy and that she is not sure about how much she loves me anymore.
Emily, I want to let go but she wouldn?t. She says she loves me although she is also in love with someone else. I guess she is afraid to venture out of her comfort zone. She told me that if I just hang on, her feelings for this guy would soon disappear.
But I feel that it would take time because there was no closure between the two of them. She says that she can suppress whatever she feels for the guy for the sake of our children.
I love her so much. I want to stay with her but I am not sure if this is a good decision. I am willing to stand by her through all of this because I have had affairs in the past and she stood by me. What I am not sure about is whether to continue a relationship where one partner questions her feelings for her spouse.
TIGS
How does it feel to get a dose of one?s medicine? What the goose did got your gander up, right?
You held on to her then while you were fooling around because you also loved her. Now that you?re even-steven, will you be able to give her a long leash to exhume all that pent-up emotion and banish all these demons plaguing her and ruining your marriage? Are you generous enough to allow her to see this lover and get over their long-distance yearning for each other?
How much is so much? If your avowals and declarations of love is really great, stay on and let her feel how strong and unshakeable your passion for her is. Continue being the loving pair you were once ... storm her mind and body with kindness as to make her wobble in her ardor for this long distance ?lover.?
Has she heard the old saying, ?A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?? It means, it is better to be satisfied with something you have than to risk losing something you may not succeed in getting. She may not even like him as much when they finally get together.
Would she gamble away a life with you?one that is already loving, comfortable and easy to something untested and unproven just because their relationship didn?t end the way she wanted to?
All forbidden love has that ?can?t-live-without-you? breathless quality.
You can?t eat, you can?t sleep, you can?t think. You?re so giddy, you can?t even distinguish your left foot from your right. Yet one day soon?like a fever, it cools down. And as the mist of passion disappears?this person you were willing to die for, becomes just another human being you?d want to dump in the trash and barely look at without feeling so much disgust.
If this wife of yours has a good head on her shoulder, she better realize that pushing for a supposed closure to this once-upon-a-time teenage love affair might prove even fatal, as she could be closing the door to her other more important relationship?yours!
E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle, or send your letters to Inquirer. Log on to www.pbs.gov.ph and listen to Ms Marcelo co-host the program ?Kalikasan Vigilante,? 7:15-8:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, on dwBR 104.3 FM.
