MANILA, Philippine ? Dear Emily,
I am a closet gay. I fall in love with men I meet in the gym who take care of their bodies, love to read tech books?men who have the same level of spirit and intellect as I.
This despite my commitment to marry a female friend who has given me all the love she can give. She does not have any idea what I really am. We already made plans, and we?re now raising money to have a good wedding.
Most of my trusted friends are telling me to tell her the truth, but I am afraid to hurt her as this will probably pain her to death. But there is another truth I am trying to deal with?that in this situation, we are going to be hurt much more in the process.
So-called ?normal? people have no idea how afraid we are of being ostracized the moment the truth about our sexuality comes out. Society will look at us as outcasts and not normal.
Telling my girl the truth might hurt her, but in the end, the world will side with her and she will gain all the sympathy of our common friends, loved ones, the people we deal with daily.
Everyone we?ve known all our lives will brand her as the victim, and I the victimizer. Chances are, they too will conclude that I have been fooling them all these time.
Am I being paranoid? Am I being stereotypical? I don?t really know, maybe the truth is just too hot too handle.
COPPER
I don?t know under what rock you?ve been hiding, but the world has moved on and gays can now proclaim their gayness without a shudder from society.
Of course, some families are still in denial about having a gay member, especially if they?re involved in multi-million businesses or are in politics. However, you?ve chosen to stay inside the closet and obliterate your sexuality by getting yourself a ?prop? in the guise of your female friend.
How far were you willing to go on with this deception, this charade?considering there?s already a ?good? wedding in the works? What scenario of a marriage were you visualizing should you go on with this farce?
You?ll have to come to honest terms with yourself sooner than later. The more you procrastinate on this, the greater the recriminations?ranging from the ridiculous to the thoroughly insulting.
Why not make it easy on yourself and drop this heavy mask without much song and dance? Just say you?re gay, period. If she?s intuitive and sensitive, she couldn?t have been without some nagging thoughts about your sexuality in the deepest recesses of her mind. She might even find relief that you?ve come out and could now connect the dots, finally!
Your revelation will hurt, wound, even insult her womanhood, but better now than later. If she truly cared for you as you said, she?d understand the turmoil you?ve gone through in accepting your sexuality?probably not immediately, but down the road.
And despite this cruel gesture from you, you?re in fact being kind by sparing her a miserable future. You?ll never go wrong in telling the truth. Isn?t it time you threw away your shackles?
(E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle, or send your letters to Inquirer. Log on to www.pbs.gov.ph and listen to Ms Marcelo co-host the program ?Kalikasan Vigilante,? 7:15-8:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, on dwBR 104.3 FM.)
