MANILA, Philippines - I was always against her going to Mindanao because I knew it was very dangerous,? Lulu Orena told me a few hours before Ces was to check out of The Medical City. ?But Ces has always had a mind of her own. Minsan she will tell me that she's going there for an assignment. When she does, I always remind her, 'Ces, paano na ang mga anak mo 'pag may nangyari sa iyo?'?

Dressed in white cotton tunic over slacks, Lulu was still visibly tired but terribly relieved that the worst was now over for her eldest daughter, Ces. She said she became hysterical upon finding out on the morning of June 9 that Ces had been kidnapped.

?Chari Villa called me to confirm that she was missing and that she had been kidnapped. When I heard the news I knew my worst nightmare had just begun,? Lulu said.

On the ride from her home in Fort Bonifacio to ABS-CBN studios in Quezon City, she was a wreck. ?I was shaking all over and having palpitations like crazy. Nanginig talaga ako.?

On Day 1 of Ces' abduction, she had the chance to speak briefly to her. Her first words to her were, ?Mommy, mommy, please don't cry,? Lulu said.

The nine days that followed were the most difficult of her life. ?One more day was just a day too long,? she said. ?I was so hungry for news the whole time that I kept the TV on 24/7. One set was tuned in to ABS-CBN, another to GMA-7. The radio was constantly on DZMM.

?I really wanted to go to Sulu,? Lulu said. ?I didn't care. I just wanted to be near my daughter. To be in the same place with her. When I saw on TV the things she had left behind in her room, it really broke my heart and I wanted to board the next plane to Sulu but my children would not let me.?

Lulu is grateful for the blessing of her children. Daughter Grace kept her company throughout, only son Frank and youngest daughter Joyce were busy with negotiations.

The rest of the Orena brood had been tucked away in a safehouse with Ces' three sons, while Lulu and daughter Joyce opted to remain at home. ?I would just be crying at makakagulo lang ako sa negotiations,? Lulu said.

Sheer torture

Each day was sheer torture. At nightfall, she'd break down in tears, imagining how Ces was faring in the jungle.

?Pag uulan, lalo na akong nalulungkot and I would really storm heaven with my prayers,? Lulu said. ?I would ask God, all the saints, Mama Mary, Ces' father (who passed away in a helicopter crash in 1993) to please keep her safe from harm.?

Sleep would come fitfully and only when her body could no longer take the tiredness. ?They gave me sedative but it did not work,? she said. A mother's anguish and worry far surpass the potency of any drug.

Lulu denied she had a stroke or nervous breakdown. ?I was close to it, I guess. I became very depressed and lost all desire to eat and exercise, things that were part of my daily routine. All my thoughts were on Ces.?

Respite would come briefly only when her grandchildren came home from school and wrap her in their hugs: they'd say that it would be okay and that their aunt would be home soon.

?I don't know what I would have done if my children and grandchildren were not around. Siguro patay na ako ngayon,? Lulu said.

During our interview Friday afternoon, Lulu was still feeling the stress from the last nine days.

?Medyo nanlalambot pa rin ako but I cannot stop thanking God for carrying us through,? she said, a beam in those tired eyes.

She is grateful to everyone who prayed for her daughter, particularly her late husband's classmates, members of PMA Class '61 and their wives.

?Having gone through this ordeal, I realize that the most important thing in life is really just family,? Lulu said. ?Money will come and go. You can always earn it. Material things will lose their value. To have strong faith in God and having your family intact, safe and sound, that is what's most important.?

When the chopper carrying Ces finally landed on the helipad of Medical City that rainy Wednesday afternoon, Lulu said it was a miracle. The first thing a sobbing Ces whispered in her ears when they hugged was, ?Mommy, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.?

Forgetting all the anguish, just like any mother before a repentant child, she told her eldest daughter, ?Don't say sorry. It's all right. You're home now and that's all that matters.?

E-mail the author at cathybabao@gmail.com