MANILA, Philippines ? Dear Emily,

The bitter and heartrending episodes in my life have come to pass. The last one was three years ago when I discovered my husband having an affair. We had long and numerous altercations afterward, but I still stayed with him, bearing the hurt and resentment privately while appearing as normal as possible.

He on his part, became sweeter and thoughtful. But what puzzles me now, though, is his sudden lack of interest in sex with me.

Could this situation be (1) that he is afraid that the woman he last had sex with might have STD and he is afraid I might get infected; (2) that he feels guilty it's the other woman he is thinking of while making out with me; (3) that this is his retaliation to me for putting an end to his affair; (4) that being of advanced age as I am, he has lost interest in me as he now hankers for those young nubile women he has been involved with before; or (5) that he is having sexual relations again with somebody I do not know?

PERPLEXED

Why should you be puzzled that he is not having sex with you anymore? And why add the word ?suddenly??

Were you a happy camper sexually while he was, though unbeknownst to you, having his affairs? Did he just suddenly stop after he broke up with his last paramour?

The five hypotheses you enumerated could all be true. Who knows what men think? But aren't you happy that he is now all yours, at least from his apparent sweetness and thoughtfulness? And don't you appreciate the effort he puts in his constant text messages to you regarding his whereabouts?

Accept this new kindness from him and thank the heavens that, wherever it's coming from and whatever is inspiring him to be this kind of person you cannot believe he has become, it's all right by you. Two can play this game, so for his every act of sweetness, throw in two of yours.

If this will further improve your relationship, thank you very much! But allow him to see how wonderful a person you have become after he changed the rules of engagement in your marriage.

Isn't it funny that just when you were about to give up on him, the sun shone again?

Despite accepting him back, must everything be analyzed, every hair split, and every action in the remaining years you have together put under a microscope?

That very astute saying ?don't look a gift-horse in the mouth? couldn't be more apt in your present predicament. Why not just enjoy his company and the peaceful existence that's happening between you two? Don't you realize how short life is? Why are you making your life shorter?

E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle, or send your letters to Inquirer. Log on to www.pbs.gov.ph and listen to Ms Marcelo co-host the program ?Kalikasan Vigilante,? 7:15-8:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, on dwBR 104.3 FM.