MANILA, Philippines - After losing youngest daughter Natasha to depression six years ago, fashion designer, philanthropist and wellness advocate Jeannie Goulbourn knows only too well the pain such a tragedy brings.

Yet the ordeal she went through is far from unique, as countless other parents have also had to deal with such a loss. Perhaps what sets one apart from everybody else is the manner one deals with the loss.

Rather than wallow in grief—indefinitely—Goulbourn eventually pulled herself together and found her groove back. The pain is still there, she admits, but she takes comfort in the fact that her twin advocacies of promoting mental and emotional health and overall wellness are two areas close to Natasha’s heart.

“Tasha was the one who always advised me to cut down on my beef and pork intake,” she says. “She wasn’t a vegetarian, but she was careful with what she ate. She also read a lot on naturopathy.”

Not a day passes by that her thoughts don’t suddenly turn to Natasha, the principles she stood up for and the stuff she held dearly, down to her favorite dish, music, restaurant, animal and clothing brand.

“You’re never over it,” says Goulbourn, during the opening last week of Global Vital Source’s (GVF) main outlet, 5th floor of Rustan’s Plaza, Makati. “Just this morning, I cried because I terribly missed her. Something reminded me of her. It still hits me.”

Seminars

She and business partner Dale Flores, a nutritionist, have been organizing monthly health and cleansing seminars at Discovery Suites for over a year now. Apart from talks on proper nutrition and exercise, the weekend seminar helps participants undergo the proper way of flushing out long-trapped toxins in the body.

“I remembered as I was preparing for the day that Tasha would have enjoyed this,” says Goulbourn. “She would have relished seeing her Mama exercising and leading a healthy lifestyle.”

Goulbourn and partner, through GVF, are also introducing natural health food supplements such as potent natural fruit juices and colostrum capsules to boost one’s immune system and keep vital organs in tiptop shape.

In September, they hope to duplicate the initial success of the “lifestyle clinics” by targeting brides and even their grooms and respective entourages. This time, the partners are working with Mandarin Oriental.

“Today’s brides are tomorrow’s mothers,” Goulbourn explains. “They will rock the cradle and produce tomorrow’s leaders. Most brides go into marriage not prepared. They think they are, but many of them are not.”

She may have managed to remain slim and fashionable, but Goulbourn is a far cry from what she once was soon after Natasha’s death. Such was her grief that she lost her appetite and focus and nearly suffered from depression herself.

“You stare and you don’t feel anything,” she shares. “You’re oblivious when people laugh, when they talk. Everything was bland.”

Indeed, for someone as lively and as articulate as Goulbourn, that was completely out of character. It was as if something or somebody was sucking away the life out of her.

Thanks to prayers, her family’s unwavering support and her will power, Goulbourn was able to pull herself back from the brink and begin the long and arduous process towards healing.

School of dolphins

One dramatic event, 28 days after Natasha passed away, eventually led her to full recovery and acceptance.

“There have been instances and people involved that my family and I feel are too personal to share,” she says. “But one incident stood out and made me believe that Tasha is already with the Lord.”

“I went to all the places that reminded me of her,” she says. “In a sense, I walked her life again.” She felt it was a necessary process for the healing to begin.

The itinerary included Puerto Galera, the last place the family spent a vacation with Natasha. While on a big motorized banca on their way to Manila, Goulbourn, despite her frail emotional state, managed to say a prayer offering all her sufferings, and even her late daughter, to God. Since it was just 28 days after Natasha’s death, she believed her soul was still very much around.

“I was giving my child back, but at the same time I was asking the Lord for help,” she says. “I asked Him to allow Tasha to have fun with the dolphins one last time.”

Goulbourn knew how special such trips were for Tasha, a dolphin lover. If only she could see five dolphins, then she would know for sure that her dear daughter was finally with the Lord. She got more than what she asked for.

What she saw made her laugh and cry at the same time. On their left were 80 or so dolphins, which made up five rows, and on their right was a school of flying fish.

With the banca flanked by the two groups, Goulbourn was reminded of a cross. The flying fish moved more randomly, but the dolphins followed a certain formation as if they were trained.

“It was like watching Sea World,” she recalls. “It was as if the dolphins were following a master, and I knew it was her [Natasha]. I was laughing and crying and thanking the Lord.”

That wasn’t the end of it. As they embarked on the second leg of the trip on another big banca, eight pairs of dolphins escorted them. And the minute the clock struck 2 p.m., they flipped back, looked at Goulbourn and company, and dove into the water.

“We never saw them again,” she says. “I really believe it was a sign. Only then did I feel that I had to do something for others. It wasn’t just a matter of me moving forward, but to really reach out to others.”

Newfound involvement

Without much fanfare, Goulbourn adopted a community of nuns who raised money for charity through candle-making six years ago. Although they were featured later in the media, no one knew who their donor was.

One thing led to another until Goulbourn and a group of friends from various sectors formed the Natasha Goulbourn Foundation (NGF) sometime last year. Its primary advocacy is to promote awareness on depression.

“Depression is a condition that knows no social class,” she says. “It could strike anyone regardless of intelligence, educational attainment and financial standing.”

To date, NGF has done a number of fund-raising projects to finance several awareness seminars featuring both local and foreign mental-health practitioners.

Although she sees no direct connection between her grief and her newfound involvement in wellness, there was a point in Goulbourn’s life when she felt weak and sickly. She herself admitted as much.

“I was working double time to forget my sadness,” she says. “Soon enough, I had bronchitis and slight fever that refused to go away. None of the things I was taking seemed to be working.”

To make matters worse, the steroids she was taking for bronchitis triggered a new round of depression. It was only after the German doctor she consulted encouraged her to try homeopathy that the situation dramatically improved.

“I had nothing to lose, so I tried it,” she says. “I soon felt really good, like a new person.”

Indeed, everything happens for a reason. Although she insists that the particular situation wasn’t in any way connected to the business or the foundation, in Goulbourn’s personal journey everything now seems interconnected.