MANILA, Philippines - In the desire to catch Olympic action despite the late release of our Chinese visa, we caught the red eye flight to South Korea, found a little corner at the Incheon airport where we slept on seats that had been pushed together, and then caught an early morning flight to Beijing.

We were too late to watch Mark Javier take his shot at archery, so we headed straight to our hotel rooms.

We had only around 48 hours to take in as much Olympic action as we could, and without tickets to get access to the Beijing National Stadium and the Olympic Village, it wasn't easy. This is the story of us trying.

Olympic event #1: The futile search for
McDonald's

Me: "Is there a McDonald's near the hotel?"
Hotel operator: "I do not understand."
Me: "Is there a McDonald's. Near. The. Hotel?"
Hotel operator: "Near the hotel? You want to find hotel?"
Me: "No, is there a restaurant near the hotel?"
Hotel operator: "Restaurant?"
Me: "Yes."
Hotel operator: "Restaurant?"
Me: "To eat? Food?"
Hotel operator: "Chinese food?"
Me: "No. Hamburgers."
Hotel operator: "Hamburgers? Hold on, I check."
Me: "..."
Hotel operator: "Yes, you can go to the gift shop."
Me: "The gift shop?"
Hotel operator: "Yes. Thank you. Bye bye."

And that is how I ended up paying way too much money for really bad hotel tacos.

The next day, I continued my search. I entered a building near the hotel, walked up to the information desk and asked, "Is there a McDonald's nearby?"

I was once again met with blank stares.

Saying a silent thank you to the people online who supplied me with the Mandarin phrase, I asked, "Mai Dang Lao?"

"Oh! Mai Dang Lao!," the lady said with a smile.

Finally, I thought with relief, imagining my teeth sinking into a juicy burger after cramming a fistful of hot fries into my mouth. I salivated at the thought.

The lady behind the information desk continued smiling and said, "You take bus."

And that was all. "You take bus," with a triumphant smile, as if she just gave me the key to the secrets of the universe. From where, to where, she didn't say.

Needless to say, I never made it to a McDonald's or, excuse me, Mai Dang Lao.

Olympic Event # 2:
Resisting the Olympic mascots

I thought it was strange that my best friend wanted me to buy a stuffed Olympic mascot for him. To me, they looked like the result if, one hazy night, Hello Kitty decided to breed with the Teletubbies.

But, apparently, the mascots grow on you. Before the first day was over, I started to find them cute. Resistance is futile, since they are everywhere. They welcome you when you walk to the airport's baggage carousels, they greet you in your hotel lobby, they dance before games, they tell you when to applaud, they are there asking you to bring them home.

And inevitably, you will bring them home in different forms-photos, charms, pins, stuffed animals.

Olympic Event # 3: Lip gloss
as a weapon of mass destruction

They weren't kidding when they said security at the Olympics was tight. When we walked into Workers' Stadium, we had to go through such a thorough security check that you'd think we were there to board another flight and not watch grown men punch each other.

Two security guys grabbed my pink tote bag from the X-Ray machine and started going through its contents. My cameras, my film and phone made it through, no problem. What made them stop was my lip gloss-my C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Shine. Security Guy #1 handed it to me and said, "You try."

Either he was being really thorough or he was being strangely flirty.

I squeezed the gloss onto my lips. I must have squeezed too hard because my lips glistened like I just ate lechon. Satisfied that my gloss was legit and my lips were not melting into my face, Security Guy # 1 apologetically said, "Sorry, need to check if safe."

"That's okay," I said. I held out the gloss to him. "You want to try?" He laughed.

Security Guy # 2 read my T-shirt carefully. "I'll sleep when I'm dead." The words printed on it made him laugh. "You sleep last night?"

"No," I said, as I walked away. And I wasn't lying.

Olympic Event # 4:
Hailing a cab after the game

Despite the really high number of cabs in Beijing, with the high volume of people there to watch the games, getting a ride after the different Olympic events can get crazy.

Hailing a cab is just one step, braving through the traffic is the next. Lesson learned: If you're going to the Olympics, bring your iPod or any form of entertainment. And make sure your battery is charged.

Olympic Event # 5:
Meeting DaDong Duck

I have a new favorite duck. His name is DaDong and I love him more than I ever loved Donald. I love him slathered with hoisin sauce and wrapped in pancakes, and I love him plain, too.

And, judging by the number of people waiting outside the restaurant, DaDong has a lot of other fans, too.

DaDong Roast Duck (22 Dongsishitiao, Beijing, 100007) is a world-famous restaurant that has even been featured in the New York Times. Popular for serving authentic Peking duck, it was recommended by City Weekend magazine as one of the 14 restaurants you shouldn't leave Beijing without trying.

The roast duck is sliced right before your eyes and served on smaller plates. The meat is juicy and the skin perfectly crisp.

I'd give DaDong Duck a medal, I really would.

Olympic Event # 6: Something funny happened in the women's lavatory

And it's not just that someone put up a sign that reads, "Please careful step."

Squat toilets freak me out. I always feel like I would fall into that hole as I did my thing. Luckily, there were two kinds of toilets in the restaurant's lavatory.

There were three cubicles-two squat and one seated. I told myself I didn't care how long it took, I would wait for the seated toilet.

There were two girls ahead of me in the queue. When the door to one of the squat cubicles opened, we all looked at each other and shook our heads no.

Look at us, I thought, a girl from Hong Kong, a girl from the Philippines and a South American-looking girl, bonding over our dislike for squat toilets. It looked to me like a very strange Benetton ad.

A few minutes later, a beautiful European woman walked in, her curly hair piled high on top of her head, her wrists adorned with many bracelets. She saw the open door leading to one of the squat toilets.

"Is free?" she asked me, her voice thick with an accent. I nodded and smiled. She walked in, leaving us wondering how she'd squat in those insanely high platforms she was wearing.

Later on, I learned that the bathrooms were a major Olympic concern for Beijing. Not only were public bathrooms renovated, 8,000 toilet maintenance staff were dispatched for frequent and thorough cleaning.

This is Olympic madness.

Olympic Event # 7: Trying to understand the tour guide

Beijing tour guides and I don't mix. My last tour guide was so hard to understand. She said "needy things" when she meant "things you need." She gave me bad information, telling me about an all-night market when it did not exist. And when her tour-guide talk was so boring a lot of us fell asleep on the bus, she launched into a very strange and very Chinese version of "Are you sleeping, brother John?"

This tour guide was only slightly better-and when I say better, I mean she did not sing. She took us to Tiananmen Square but told us not to ask questions because it was "sensitive." She also made repeated threats of leaving us behind if we did not make it back to the meeting place on time.

Olympic Event # 8: Getting lucky

For the athletes, winning in the Olympics is the tough formula of training, dedication and discipline. For spectators, Olympic triumph has a lot to do with luck.

What's unlucky? Your plane landing late, wasting your Archery tickets. Being seated behind someone so tall that he blocks your view. The game being rained out on the day you're holding a ticket.

What's lucky? Spotting Kobe Bryant watching the boxing match. Getting to watch tennis stars Roger Federer and Serena Williams play even if your tickets were for another tennis match.

Olympic Event # 9:
Trying to catch a bird's eye view of the Bird's Nest

On Day Two, Krip Yuson and I gave up our free time because we wanted to take good pictures of the Bird's Nest (the Beijing National Stadium). We boarded the shuttle to the stadium and tried to think of which nearby building we could invade to get a good view of the nest. The skies refused to cooperate though. The heavy rain left us with no choice but to take pictures of the nest from inside the shuttle.

Olympic Event # 10:
Buying Olympic merchandise

You can try to resist but you won't succeed. Even if you ignored the little corner selling Beijing 2008 merchandise that had sprouted in your hotel gift shop, you would be repeatedly lured by Olympic goodies as you made your way around Beijing.

Inside department stores, at the tourist attractions, at the airport-you cannot escape. You will soon find yourself queuing up to buy pins, stuffed mascots, caps, mobile phone charms and more.

Olympic Event # 11:
Pin-collecting

Just like other events that bring people from different countries together, pin-collecting was a big activity at the Olympics. One little boy was so intent on getting pins from other countries that his attempts at trading could only be called harassment. He was the same little boy who tried to make us deaf with his clappers and by cheering for Russia and Ukraine during the boxing matches.

Olympic Event # 12: The race against Team Honduras

We were taking the same flight from Beijing to Korea as the Honduras Olympic team. They were such a big group that if you got caught behind them in a line, you would be there forever and ever. And so the check-in process became a race of sorts. My companions and I versus the Honduras Olympic team. We beat them at the check-in counter, at immigrations, at security check, even at the transfer area in Korea.

We won. But there were no medals.