MANILA, Philippines?Dear Emily,

Thirteen years ago, I met my first boyfriend. I fell in love with him right away. After a year, he told me his ex-girlfriend was coming back home from the United States. He didn?t tell me they were together again, and I felt really hurt. I didn?t hear anything else from him. I left the country so he could realize if it was her or me that he loved.

I came back after a few months and I felt that everything between us had changed. I was so hurt that I thought I couldn?t handle it. I couldn?t afford to share him with anyone, so I left for the US hoping I would eventually forget him.

Then I met my husband, who is such a good man. We now have two children. We have a very comfortable lifestyle.

I love my family very much. In spite of that, I still think about my ex.

My mind tells me I should forget him, but my heart won?t. I hate myself for having this kind of feeling and I am not sure why.

I always tell myself to submit my whole self to my husband. I will never leave my husband for I love him, too. I really want to forget my ex but I don?t know how.

Recently, we met again. This time, with my husband and his wife. I told myself everything was okay now. But it isn?t. I still have the feelings I?ve felt for him for more than 14 years now.

LONELY

This ex-boyfriend has plagued you for over 13 years and there?s no letting go from your end? You?re still pining for him, body and soul?

This is a clear violation of your marriage vows, not to be goody-two-shoes about it, and known only to you and your creator. Though you haven?t cheated on your husband in deed, it is still a clear case of cheating.

So, would it make you feel any better to just consummate an affair with this ex and get this anxiety over and done with, out of your system?

There was no closure to your relationship and that?s what?s bugging you.

He neither owned up to loving his old girlfriend more and you less, or vice versa. Like a nagging, pesky hangnail, you obviously want to know the truth. But even if he told you he loved his girlfriend more, there?s something in your mind that won?t believe him.

You?d think he is just making it easy for you to forget him. Whatever happens will be a lose-lose situation for everyone all around.

Be careful what you pray for?as you just might get it! The heavens could deal you a vicious card where you?d lose your husband and your comfortable life in one blow?and then what?

Will this ex come to your rescue and sweep you off in his shining armor? Have you asked yourself if he pines and suffers for you, too? You could just have been a diversion while waiting for his girlfriend, those fateful days of meeting you 14 years ago. If he truly honestly cared for and loved you as you are loving him today, do you think he will not make an effort to see you, come what may?

It?s apparent that this relationship has been a one-way traffic all along, and there?s only been one sole lonely traveler?you! From your experience, has it been fun at all?

(E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle, or send your letters to Inquirer. Log on to www.pbs.gov.ph and listen to Ms Marcelo co-host the program ?Kalikasan Vigilante,? 7:15-8:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, on dwBR 104.3 FM.)