MANILA, Philippines - In October, my thoughts turn to breast cancer survivors—brave and admirable women who show us how to live more fully and bravely.

They remind us about the brevity of life and how we should not leave room for regret or harbor ill feelings against anyone. “Let go and let God” is a mantra I have learned from breast cancer survivors.

I just listened to Dr. David Spiegel, associate chair for Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine. Spiegel was here to lecture on the effects of stress.

Known for his work on support groups for cancer patients, he’s done studies showing that support groups can lead to better coping, improved moods, and reduced pain, depression and anxiety for cancer patients.

When Spiegel started his research in the ’70s, virtually no cancer patients were in support groups. Now, group therapy is a much more accepted part of cancer care.

In 1991, he did studies on 125 metastatic breast cancer patients. Though he noted improvement in the participants’ level of distress, anxiety and pain, there was no difference in overall survival between those women who attended therapy and those who didn’t. Women in group therapy had a median survival of 31 months, while the group that received education materials alone survived a median of 33 months.

Spiegel attributed this change to the fact that both the emotional landscape and medical treatments available for breast cancer patients have improved dramatically, making it more likely for patients to live longer and better.

Spiegel stressed, however, that support groups remain an important part of treatment.

“I’ve never told my patients to join a support group because it makes you live longer. I’ve said to do it because it helps you live better,” he said.

Source of support

The Philippines now has many breast cancer support groups, the largest and most organized of which is ICanServe (http://www.icanserve.net/). The group recently held a big Silver Linings convention in Cebu City attended by over a thousand breast cancer survivors from the Visayas and Mindanao.

Big hospitals now host breast cancer support groups.

One’s immediate family continues to be the greatest source of support. A loving and supportive spouse and children appear to be the best “weapons” in the battle against breast cancer.

It always begins with communication, a willingness to share with and be open to one’s immediate family, and later, one’s trusted friends. Breast cancer hits at the central nerve of family system and its repercussions on the family are multiple and lasting.

Researchers in Oxford, England, interviewed 37 mothers with recent diagnosis of breast cancer. Thirty-one of their children were between ages six and 18. They found out that even children were much more aware of cancer as life-threatening illness than their parents or other adults had realized.

One of the worse things you can do is lie to your children about your illness. It is always best to be honest with them and to tell them the truth—in an age-appropriate manner, of course. How you’d define your illness to a seven-year-old is not the same way you’d describe it to a 13-year-old.

United front

It is also important to present a united front before your children. Dr. Paula Rauch, a child psychiatrist on the Harvard Medical School faculty and co-author of the book “Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child When a Parent Is Sick,” said it is not uncommon for parents to disagree about how much or how little to tell a child.

Rauch encouraged parents to consider talking about breast cancer as part of the family value of being honest.

She said, “I’ve learned from some families that when parents withhold difficult truths from their children, when their children are teenagers they feel they’ve been given permission not to share difficult truths with their parents... It’s a complicated message in a family to say, ‘If this is too hard to hear, we cannot share this piece of information.’”

If husband and wife disagree about this, they can seek professional support. “Parents and their children will certainly benefit and deserve the extra help they can get from a trusted and caring professional.”

And what about telling others about one’s illness? I’ve discovered that one draws great power, comfort and strength from the help and prayers of people I trust.

The power of prayer, the support of friends, both old and new, and the kindness of strangers have proven to be a buoy to lift one’s spirit as one tries to heal.

(PAY IT FORWARD. Do your share for breast cancer awareness and participate in Avon’s Walk for Breast Cancer, a 3-km noncompetitive walk on Oct. 5. Starting point is IMAX theater, SM Mall of Asia. Registration starts 6 a.m. To preregister, visit www.avon.com.ph. On-site registration is also available.)

E-mail the author at cathybabao@gmail.com