MANILA, Philippines- Dear Emily,

I am 44 years old and an overseas worker based in Riyadh. I?ve been working here for the last 14 years. Although my salary is not that big, I?ve been able to provide a good life to my family, my in-laws and many other relatives. I believe I have been a good provider to many all this time even if it has meant that I do not have substantial savings until now.

My problem started when my wife and only daughter who is 12 years old decided to return home for good to the Philippines this year. Even though I knew it would be difficult for me to survive in Saudi Arabia after being with them here for the last 10 years, I accepted my wife?s decision.

She wanted to be beside her ailing father who suffered a stroke several years ago. My wife is a nurse by profession, and wants to take her US State Board review classes in Manila.

Since my family left, it has been a very difficult and emotional transition for me. I never realized that coming home to an empty house was so painful! I have no shame to tell you that every night I cry and seek them out. I miss my wife and daughter so much.

I don?t know for how long I can endure our separation but a month ago I suffered from severe depression. I am currently undergoing counseling. I can hardly sleep at night and I?ve lost the appetite to eat. I?m afraid I am beginning to lose my mind thinking about my family.

I want so much to resign from my job and simply return home and be with them. In fact, I have already drafted my resignation letter. Yet I hesitate whenever I think of my financial responsibilities to those who rely on me for the financial support.

Am I being selfish if I resigned? Do you think it will be unfair if I left my job and went home?

Another reason that has been keeping me from resigning is that I bought a car on installment basis in 2006. I still have over a year of payments left and if I quit my job now, that means I will be unable to pay the monthly amortization and lose altogether the money that has already been paid. Apart from that, it may cause embarrassment to my family.

Sometimes, however, I don?t care anymore. I just want to go home and be with my family. To me, this is the only important thing.

ART

If you either died now or lost your mind completely, you?ll still lose the down payment you paid for your car anyway, because you?ll still be coming home in a box or on a wheelchair.

What is embarrassing you? Embarrassed because you will allow your car payments go down the toilet? What kind of ungrateful, insensitive parasites are your relatives, anyway? Are you only as good as the money you regularly send back home?

Go for broke if there?s no other way to get rid of your car. You can compensate for the loss when you start earning again somewhere when you?re with your family already.

The important thing is for you to be with your wife and daughter now and save your mind before you flip out completely. Many don?t understand how difficult it is to control the brain once it goes haywire. It?s no joke to be in a foreign country, alone, pining and crying for your loved ones.

Go home now while you are still in possession of your faculties, while you can still think, and laugh and cry, and talk sensibly. You?re not in shackles, you?re not in jail, you?re not pinned down by a boulder. It is only money holding you back! Go, go, go!

E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle, or send your letters to Inquirer. Log on to www.pbs.gov.ph and listen to Ms Marcelo co-host the program ?Kalikasan Vigilante,? 7:15-8:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, on dwBR 104.3 FM.