MANILA, Philippines ? Dear Emily,
We?ve been officemates for a long time, but it was only a few months ago that I noticed this guy taking his lunch alone. I then talked to him through our office communicator. From then on, we started to share messages during breaks. When we?re not that busy, we?d have lunch with a friend of mine.
He began saying nice and sweet things to me that made me smile and feel special. I told him to stop saying those things because they made me feel awkward.
We are both married and I think it?s improper. By the way, my husband has been working abroad for three years now.
He began to stay away from me for a week and was so aloof that I had to ask him why.
He confessed he was attracted to me long before we had started talking regularly. He misinterpreted my being friendly and thought I was feeling something special for him, too.
I told him having a crush is normal and we should continue to be friends and just enjoy each other?s company.
We resumed our friendship, taking lunch together, laughing and even confiding our problems to each other. He even began driving me home.
Then one day I realized I enjoyed being close to him and wished we had lunch three times during the day so I could talk to him again and again.
I wore nice clothes and made myself pretty for him to appreciate me. I?ve been doing this for self-gratification, but now he is the second reason for it.
I?m confused because I don?t feel I have a crush on him or I?m beginning to fall for him. I just want to be always near him because I love talking to him.
I?ve thought of just staying away from him for good before we ruin our marriages. Can I first tell him how I feel before I drift away? I have no plans of being the second woman.
CONFUSED
There was not a glimpse that you could be a maltreated, long suffering wife. What I read is someone who?s probably lonely and bored and quite giddy at this new experience.
You managed to squeeze in the information that your husband is an overseas Filipino worker?much too far away to guard your movements or interpret your body language.
How is your relationship with him, anyway? Is he a loving husband, albeit from a distance? Is he generous? Did he work abroad and make the ultimate sacrifice of this physical separation to give you a better life?
If your answer is a resounding yes to all, why are you being short-sighted by giving in to momentary self-indulgence?
It is unfair to your husband and it?s unconscionable to subject him to this kind of disloyalty. Have you considered how miserable he could also be feeling so far away from home?
Though you?ve stopped short of giving your heart away to this officemate, you?re involved nonetheless.
What do you think will happen if you both open up the floodgates of your emotions? How far are you willing to go, guilt notwithstanding? No strings-attached-sex? Part-time-relationship? Full-time separation from both your spouses?
How much sacrifice will he allocate for you, or could it be just a roll in the hay for him? Will he be there for the long haul or just until he grows tired of a new diversion?
Crush... Wanting to be with him all the time... A rose by any other name is still a rose. You have fallen in love?despite your protestation!
Think hard about the consequences of this seemingly innocent flirtation. Be very conscious of the fact that he has a family that will constantly be tugging at the deepest recesses of his philandering mind.
How much of yourself will you be giving away for him? Enough to flush down a marriage?
E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle, or send your letters to Inquirer. Visit www.pbs.gov.ph and listen to Ms Marcelo co-host the program ?Kalikasan Vigilante,? 7:15-8:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, on dwBR 104.3 FM.
