FILLING out forms is always a problem for me. None of the choices listed for status: Single, married, separated, widowed?seem to apply to me.

I?m definitely not married anymore as I?ve finally already gotten my annulment. But because I was once married, by default, I?m not exactly ?single.? Neither am I ?separated.? Under the law, legal separation is just simply the division of assets of a couple. Meaning you and your spouse are still considered married, and therefore may not re-marry. And though the death of a marriage always brings with it a level of emotional pain and loss as the actual physical death of a spouse, I am not ?widowed.?

My friend, who has been annulled for the last seven years, is someone I consider way ahead of the game compared to me. I asked her what box I should check. She advised me with unflinching certainty, ?You should check single! An annulment means that the marriage never even happened.?

Hmmm. Never really happened?kind of hard to deny that when I have an actual living souvenir of the marriage that supposedly never was in my daughter. I don?t think my friend faces this same dilemma when filling out forms. She doesn?t have children from her past marriage.

Though I suppose that the fact that there are now more civil status choices available is already an improvement.

Six years ago when I first became a single parent, there were only two choices?you were either single or married. It was like any other status was simply not recognized. If you deviated from single or married, you were considered an outcast.

Those who have been single parents for a longer period of time will tell you about the discrimination that they have encountered in the most unlikely places and the little everyday things that rub salt into the stigma of being a single parent.

There were the churches that turned away baptisms if the parents were unable to present a marriage certificate. (Since when do people have to be married to have kids?) There were schools that refused admission to children because their parents were divorced or worse, never married.
Hybrid
As a single parent, you never really know where you belong because while you are single, you have the responsibilities and obligations that will never allow you to live a typical carefree existence. You?re a hybrid who at school events or children?s parties can?t help but feel the isolation amid the presence of all the dual parents.

Perhaps the rising incidence of single parenthood and its different permutations?widowhood, adoption, OFW parent?have made the addition of these new civil status boxes: widow and separated?necessary. Maybe now people are realizing that other parent segments deserve their own civil-status recognition.

Relaxing of certain laws has made it a bit simpler to be a single parent and somehow indirectly deflect the blame on the innocent children who are simply sometimes collateral damage.

There has been the recall of the law where children traveling abroad with only one parent must first secure permission from the other parent and cleared by the Department of Social Welfare and Development.

Then there is the Solo Parent Welfare Act, which gives benefits and privileges to solo parents. Then there?s the recognition of the term ?solo parent,? which is defined as ?a parent left alone with the responsibility of parenthood.? The reasons behind this include death of a spouse, physical and mental incapacity of spouse as certified by public medical practitioner and imprisonment, among others. This liberalizes the definition of a solo parent.

Small steps, but steps in the right directions.

Maybe at some point, there will be a box that will be appropriate for my civil status. I don?t know, maybe something like ?Single?again,? or ?Hopeful.?

In the meantime, with the help of the process of elimination, I have decided to check ?single.? I don?t pay much attention to it anymore. I realized that a bunch of little boxes has little to do with what kind of parent I am and what kind of parent I can be.