I’VE never hired a tutor for my kids. I’ve always believed that they must learn to be self-sufficient. I myself never had a tutor and I was fine (at least almost all of the time). Besides, aren’t parents supposed to be teaching their kids, instead of passing on this responsibility to a stranger?

And the costs—that tutor comes with a pretty hefty price tag.

But as a working mom, I find it more and more challenging to tutor my kids. When I get home from work, my day has actually just begun.

We working moms must think of budgets, the dinner menu, the kids’ lunch the next day. At the last minute we even have to buy items our kids need for projects—tomorrow! (Do teachers think all mothers are stay-at-home moms who can just fly to the mall anytime?)

My point is, I can’t tutor the kids myself all the time. It’s too stressful: Sooner or later I will lose my mind. So, I came up with a system where my eldest, Davide (turning 13 in January) tutors the youngest, Sari, eight. My middle child, Ianna, nine, is so efficient and full of initiative that I can rely on her to help Sari. But honestly, I feel guilty for burdening my older kids to teach the youngest.

I also signed up in Yahoo groups and rely on other moms who are blessed with the skills and patience to make reviewers for sharing.

So far, this has been working—my kids’ grades are still high, though they are no longer honor students: The honor roll starts at 90 and they average an 88 (Not bad, really).

I am left wondering how I can make sure my children are reaching their full potential. They used to be honor students—what happened? I know they are getting okay grades, but can they do better? I know deep within the answer is yes. But what can I do to make this happen?

Very competitive

Here is what I realized—to see tutoring in a positive light:

There are many factors that affect the child’s ability to learn and excel.

Times have changed. Preschoolers are learning fractions while grade-schoolers are being taught taxonomy.

The competition to get ahead is very tough. In my time, the honor roll started with a general average of 88. In my kids’ school, it’s now 90. The pressure for a child to excel has increased tremendously. I pity the kids of the future who can be honor students only with an average of 95.

Rossana Llenado, owner and managing director of Ahead Tutorial and Review Center (call 426-0030 or visit www.aheadph.com), says: “Only 10 percent of the hundreds of thousands of applicants per year get into the top three colleges. They must have very good grades because top schools do not just consider their scores in the exam but also their grades in high school. It is every parent’s dream for their child to be counted among this 10 percent. This is where we come in—it is our mission to help these students secure a bright future.”

Llenado says that preschool entrance tests are so competitive that only 350 of around 6,000 pass.

The average class number has increased. In private schools, it is usual to have a classroom with 50 students. Even the best teacher will have difficulty addressing all her students’ needs.

Parents

The economic situation has led to double-income families. Parents are either too tired or mentally drained to be effective tutors.

Kids and parents fight—mom is exhausted and wants to get all the studying out of the way, but her child is unfocused and just wants to tell mommy about what happened in school. The sad part is, we often don’t recognize that it’s actually good that our kids like telling us about their day.

Llenado believes that parents are still the best tutors for their children and salute those who do. But not all parents have the time or skills. Here’s why:

* Economics—they have to work.
* They have to rest and relax when they are home to be able to do their job well the next day.
* They have to manage their homes: menus, schedule, budget, bills, supplies, etc.
* They must bring the family to doctor and dentist appointments, birthday parties, etc.
* They have other children to take care of.
* Moms must play other roles—wife, daughter, sister or friend.
* They themselves were poor in math (or science) when they were students.
* Parents have their own goals and dreams to achieve.

Tutoring provides focus

According to Llenado, in a tutorial center, kids can focus on studying. “Everyone is studying, so he will be encouraged to do the same. He is around other children who want to do well. Learning can be fun. A tutor is someone who can teach your child new techniques of studying, new ways of solving a math problem. She can be a mentor, friend, confidante. A young, competent, non-threatening tutor can be a good friend and role model for our kids.”

Independence

My main reason for not hiring a tutor is that I believe they should be self-sufficient. I’m afraid a tutor will make them too dependent.

Llenado, however, clarifies that a tutor can actually help a child be more independent: “A good tutor can teach your child effective study habits. Studying usually takes hours because homework competes with the bed, TV, computer, refrigerator. In a tutorial center, kids finish homework and review lessons in an hour or two. Once the child is used to this routine, schoolwork will seem much easier, eventually even without a tutor.”

“Kids typically remain as clients for around two years,” Llenado says. “Our goal is to let go as soon as possible. After a year, he must have learned how to study by himself so he does not need our services anymore everyday.”

Balance

Another reason I hesitate to get a tutor is I feel my kids won’t have time to enjoy their childhood.
Llenado advises: “Balance is the key— it is important to have time for work and play. Having a tutor actually allows students to have time for other activities. Because a tutor is able to help students understand their lessons better, the work should become easier and quicker to accomplish.”

When is tutoring good? When is it bad?

Gigi Villarama, school directress of Integrow Children’s Activity Center and Kumon Instructor at Kumon Bonifacio High Street Center, has about 20 years of education experience (contact 0917-839-1027, 856-2281/82).

She says, “Over the years, the purpose for tutoring has evolved. Some hire tutors because of failing grades, others do this for advancement. Even the tutorial system has changed from one-on-one to group tutorials. It is best for parents to choose one that fits the child and his learning style, personality, as well as study habits (e.g. not all children work well with a group, so although group tutorial may be cheaper, this may result in lower grades or poorer performance).”

Tutoring, she adds, “is advantageous if it has a positive effect on the child in the long run, if it is used to train children toward proper study habits as well as independence.”

Tutoring becomes a disadvantage “if a child becomes too dependent to the point that if tutoring is present, the child may have “good grades” but in the absence of the tutor, the child fails.”

Villarama’s tips on how parents can tutor their kids themselves:

A parent once told me she used the “backstitch method” in teaching her child: after class, let the child rest, then take up the lesson yesterday, then review the current topic for school, then scan the work for the next day. She didn’t need to review the child even for exams because he was used to daily study already. By exam day, he was more than ready.

Parents should closely monitor their kids’ learning in the lower grades, particularly during the primary years (up to Grade Three) by training the child to have a daily study habit. By the time the child is in Grade Four, the child may be studying alone completely.

Daily study is the key. Set a daily study time, even if the child does not have homework, for at least 30 minutes a day.

What doctors have to say

Anna C. De Ocampo, MD, FAAP, developmental and behavioral pediatrician at the Melmed Center in Scottsdale, Arizona, US, says:

“Tutoring is helpful for children who are struggling to keep up with the rest of the class.”

A child may need it because:

1. He has a learning disability in reading (dyslexia), math (dyscalculia) or writing (spelling skills or trouble with paragraph writing; some have trouble getting their thoughts down on paper).
2. He is inattentive in class because he may have ADHD or other emotional disorders that prevent him from focusing (depression, anxiety or OCD—Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, an anxiety disorder).
3. He may simply be a slow learner. Some kids have a low-average IQ (70-85) and they cannot grasp concepts. Therefore they need drills and repetition to learn.

De Ocampo says: “I have never seen tutoring to be disadvantageous unless the tutor is doing all the work for the child.” She adds: “It helps remove the frustration from both parent and child because homework time can be stressful. Tutoring is good if the child needs it and if you can afford it.”