GOOD luck!

?I don?t know why they want to be first lady. Maybe they want to be in the news. It?s quite difficult living in a glass bowl. Everybody?s watching your every movement.?

That?s all former First Lady Amelita ?Ming? Martinez Ramos has to say to every politician?s wife who aspires to one day pitch camp in Malacañang.

Ramos, now 80, is set to launch her biography, ?Simply Ming,? by Melandrew T. Velasco, on Dec. 16. Written on the initiative of her husband, Ramos feels it?s his way of making up to her for all her sacrifices in their 55-year marriage, since, she adds, he isn?t normally demonstrative about his appreciation of her.

The book paints the first lady as a woman born to privilege, highly educated, with degrees from top American universities, and who had her own career throughout her husband?s stints in the military, government and the presidency.

And yet, she?s managed to remain simple and frugal, a stark contrast to her predecessor, Imelda Marcos. (To this day, Ramos works with the International School Manila as consultant registrar, and attends to her numerous foundations one day each week.)

?I was used to being on a budget? A first lady doesn?t have an allowance, so I couldn?t be like Imelda with a new terno for every occasion.? She wore mostly ready-to-wear while her husband was President, admitting to only one indulgence: Ferragamo shoes, which were comfortable for someone like her who?s flatfooted.

?Look,? she says, slipping one foot off her pink sandal, ?it?s very flat.? The sandal is from an obscure, no-name brand.

Sacrifice

It was her life as military wife which, she says, prepared her for Malacañang. Sitting for an interview in the home of her good friend, Ricky Reyes, she says, ?If your husband?s commanding officer?s wife was obnoxious, you had to be nice to her, otherwise your husband would get assigned to Tawi-tawi ? You got used to sudden changes. You had to make do with what you had.?

She has no regrets, Ramos says. ?Being married to my husband, you have to be patient. He?s a workaholic.? She stuck it out with him through long, lonesome years as soldier?s wife, playing mother and father to five daughters and later as first lady under the scrutiny of every prying eye.

There were heartaches, she admits. But to this day, she remains a loyal, dutiful wife who waits for her husband to share late-night suppers with.

?People now, they get married. They fight and separate. Our generation was more patient. You stuck it out.?

Ramos stayed secure amid the temptations around her husband. She was never a jealous wife. ?Even if you prevent your husband, if he wants to do it, he will,? she says. ?The women go crazy over guys wearing fatigue [uniform]. The fatigue always looks dirty even if it?s freshly laundered!?

On the former President?s long-rumored illegitimate child, his wife says, ?I don?t know. I asked him and he didn?t answer,? she says, nonchalant. Then she adds with a chuckle, ?Bahala sya sa buhay nya!?

However, she admits to have wanted to throw in the towel on more than one occasion. ?I told him, if I had known my life would be like this, I wouldn?t have married you.?

Ramos had seven pregnancies, two of which were miscarriages. Her husband witnessed the birth of only one of their daughters. ?He was in the hospital only once ? For the first one, because the labor was taking so long, he went out for a drive. By the time Angel was born, he wasn?t around.?

If their not having had a son was ever an issue, ?It?s not my fault!? she says, laughing. ?It?s the male who determines [the sex of the child].?

Biggest blow

For the past five years, she has had to be mother all over again to daughter Chula, now 49, who suffered a brain injury from a freak accident that had left her memory like that of a 10-year-old. Chula was a banker. It was the biggest blow to this mother?s heart.

?But you have to face it,? she says. Each Friday, she takes Chula to her garden in Tagaytay, hoping the regular trips will help jog back her daughter?s memory.

From her biography, Ramos says she?s hoping wannabe first ladies will learn something from it.

?You have to behave yourself because everybody?s looking at you. Look at your background and see what you can do for the country, not for yourself. There are ladies who want to be on the front page because of their power. I was told I don?t know how to use my power.?

She may have left Malacañang a bit scarred, but Ramos says it came with the territory. ?You got hurt many times? But I have fond memories, oh yes.?

While she jokes that her only regret is that she should?ve married a ?normal man,? she says she?s lived a happy life. ?Not always happy, but very challenging. It?s good for one?s character. It strengthens you.?