Part 2

Pam Pastor?s story (?Spanking didn?t kill us,? Feb. 7, 2009) continues to stir debate. Excerpts:

Our parents were never wrong

I can relate to your article?I, and my siblings experienced spanking. I?m in my 30s; spanking was common in my generation. Today, it is not.

I agree with you. I think spanking can still be used as tool of discipline. Sometimes, we all just have to learn the hard way. I can say that all of us siblings grew up to be disciplined and responsible, and our parents were never wrong in spanking us at one point in our lives.? Riza Bauzon

Deal with the past

I read with great interest your article. I?m a mother, too. There?s a difference between a spank and having your clothes torn off, being belted and threatened with more serious forms of punishment.

I?m not saying spanking is good either. Parents resorted to physical abuse for two main reasons: that was how they were treated by their parents when they made a mistake or misbehaved; or they just don? t know how to communicate and let out anger.

People become parents without knowing the most basic things about parenting. We think that being a good parent comes naturally. It doesn?t, except for a handful who seem to have the gift of being able to parent. The rest of us must reflect on what was done to us, and either to reject or accept and follow it.

Many now join parenting seminars or read about how to parent properly so they don?t commit the mistakes their parents did, and so they become better parents.

But many live in ignorance and wallow in the hurts they suffered. Which means they are prone to repeating to some degree what was done to them.

By writing your experience, you seem to want to deal with your past; I?m glad you do. You cannot sweep it under the rug.

Your parents seem to have followed an intergeneration pattern, passing on to descendants what they experienced.

In the end, you wrote??We might even spank our own children.? I think you don?t really mean that. I hope you continue reflecting on your experience to acknowledge your past and present feelings. I hope you will understand and forgive your parents, but most of all, acknowledge that you did not deserve to have been treated that way. ?Jane

Very rarely

I?m a mother of three. While I don?t believe in spanking, I do spank but very rarely. I guess I do what my parents did to us. They rarely spanked.

When children are used to spanking they don?t get hurt anymore so I do believe that you should not spank always but when you do, be sure they will remember it. ?TinTin

They call 911

I am a mother of three, in my late 30s. Just like you and your friends I wasn?t spared the rod?and the hand, the slipper, the belt, whatever our parents could get hold of.

Just like you, I?m doing fine, with no hangups. I discipline my kids just like how our parents did. I?m proud to say my kids are growing up to be responsible, respectful and disciplined individuals.

I have seen how my cousins in the US cope with their children?s not-so-pleasant behavior. It is hard for them to discipline their kids, who could call 911 for child abuse. No wonder parents in the US can?t wait for their kids to turn 18.

I?m not for or against groups like Project No Spank and NeverHitAchild. I respect what they believe in. To spank or not to spank? I spank... because I love my children. ?Pepsi Viray

Communication more important

It made me very sad that you had to go through all that.

I am a 55, a mother of three, two girls and a boy. Spanking was okay when they were small because that was all they could understand. After a certain age, however, communication is more important. Physical violence is a no-no for me. I believe parents must be role models.?Miren Eleazar

Placed in sack to hang

I remember being placed in a jute copra sack, and the sack hung from the rafters of our porch. The sack had a small hole. I knew I could enlarge that hole using my puny muscles. But if I did, I could fall on the ground; that would be more painful. So I just cried myself to sleep.

?Tabula rasa,? a blank slate?that is what we as elders were working on to mold the child. Those spanking years were painful memories. The pinching and public scolding were what changed me?for the better, I like to believe.

Most of the people who inflicted the suffering are gone now. What remained is the learning, the knowledge and wisdom that had been selectively separated from the trash those spanking years brought.

I have found a better way than spanking and physical punishment. Tell the child the rewards of good behavior and deliver the rewards immediately after the behavioral change is made. This is what parents need to learn. ? Rudy Kintanar

Love and respect

I don?t agree with spanking. I think it should have limitations. I believe in disciplining our kids but I don?t believe in hitting or punishing them.

Doing so results in a lot of emotional issues when they grow up. The memory of pain, hurt and embarrassment will be there forever. We should discipline with love and respect for our kids. ?Dee Barrameda, Lake Forest, CA

No XBox

I had a friend who went through hell because he had to be hospitalized after having a ?one-on-one? with his father, after he was suspended for cutting classes.

Times have really changed because now, such a misdemeanor would result only in a week of no XBox or PS3, no parties, no car, or simply an earful of lectures.

My parents hit me as a kid but they also made it a point to talk to me afterwards. I was hit with bamboo, belts, hangers, newspapers and even brooms. I was really effin? scared whenever that happened and I promised myself not to do it again.

My sister and I turned out okay, so I guess it worked. The difference is that in my youth, my parents helped me learn. Today children are to learn by themselves.

I do not think I?d let my kids go through the same. I do not even know which is better. Some kids turn out okay, others don?t. It must not be the spanking then. It must be something else. ?Arbee Acleta

Take threats seriously

Today?s kids have it good. They have no idea how fear used to dominate our lives. Like you, I?m not old but there seems to be a gap between us and people five years younger and more.

Fear and respect were one and the same, the way I was raised. Was it good or bad? It did leave a permanent mark?not physical, but I do react differently from people who were never spanked. I take threats seriously and replying to old powerful people, to me, isn?t just a matter of exercising free speech. It is bravery. ?Brian Brotarlo

?Kulit?

Yes, I spank but it depends on the situation. My daughter is ?sobrang kulit at sobrang likot.? She?s a girl but she acts like a boy, kinda hyperactive. I discipline her depending on her personality. As she improves, my way of discipline also improves. She?ll be 3 in March and she still has a lot more to experience. ?Monalissa Gamoning

For it

I, too, am a product of spanking. My father (he is the most compassionate ?spanker? in the family) would slap our hands when we did wrong. My mother (strict and sweet) would spank our behind. I also got my share of spanking from my brother who is 6 years older.

It was painful and embarrassing. But looking back now, I appreciated my parents? way of instilling discipline in us. We grew up responsible. We have learned to accept accountability for our actions. The Scriptures was correct when it said, ?Spare the rod, spoil the child.? ?Grace L. Rosales