WHY DO YOU GET THE feeling that around this time, dads are having a panic attack?

It?s the time of year when their little (so they think) princess is trying on that scanty two-piece, if not string bikini, and raring to fly with or be with friends in Boracay. It?s a moment for her?one she has been looking forward to.

Yet despite your anxiety, you don?t want your little girl to be unhappy, to feel deprived of a joyous summer she could add to her treasure trove of memories. You don?t want her to feel miserable.

Plus, anyway, you?ve seen for yourself how this generation can?t take no for an answer; it doesn?t know the meaning of the word. Not only is it used to instant gratification, it also isn?t used to refusal for the simple reason that, from infancy, it?s been faced with a galaxy of options, whether they are media, toys/gadgets, diets, fashion ? you name it, everything has been invented, conceptualized for them. It?s as if our kids? generation is genetically programmed for instant, ultimate gratification.

Our generation was programmed to fear authority (aka parents) then rebel against it, and ultimately reconcile with it. Our kids? generation? To them, authority is optional. They may or may not heed it. And that?s especially true in the workplace.

But back to Boracay. How do you protect your kids in an island of sex, booze and drugs (deserving or not, Boracay has earned that rep), in short, all the stuff that?s irresistible candy to that age.

If your daughter or son is in his/her mid-20s, he/she is no longer a kid?a trite fact parents are in denial of. They should already have some measure of independence, and must be moored on the values you?ve tried to instill in them.

This Boracay dilemma is for parents of teens?the age that believes it?s their birthright to have both independence and allowance?in equal measure, please.

So how do you coexist with your ?child?s? Boracay summer without seeming uncool?

First scenario

First, be cool.

Be in Boracay yourself (your kid can?t say no to that, you?re paying for your fare and accommodations, remember?). And enjoy it. In recent summers, my kids actually thought I sooo loved Bora (I didn?t, not much anyway), and so did my nephews and niece, because we turned it almost into a clan summer outing (with my only brother?s family). The kids perhaps didn?t know (so I liked to think) that a mom?s radar got sharper with proximity, you know, when mom knew the coordinates, like in a spy satellite.

Louie Cruz, the Boracay pioneer who began the party scene there (he has since moved back here and moved on), loved to chide me and my brother??Haven?t you noticed how your kids walk the opposite direction from yours? When you?re going this way, they go that way! Can?t you take a hint??

No. And so what? At least we have them on a short leash. We knew where they were and with whom; we could see with our own eyes. We?re there if and when they got wasted, and knew what time they?d be staggering back into our hotel room.

Curfew. They should know when they should be walking back to the hotel?and that?s when they can still walk. Our friends believe it should be ?3-ish,? definitely before sunrise.

Budget. Let them know they?re on budget, and match it to their activities. Cruz noted what his parent-friends looked out for??If their booze consumption (or heaven forbid, drugs) seems to have gone way beyond their budget, you know they have friends footing the bill and have money to burn.? And that?s scary.

The long and short of it?try to make Boracay, early on, a family experience, especially if your kids are in their malleable teens. Have fun with them, don?t spoil the fun even as, by your action (not only by words), you?re setting the parameters of a summer they will enjoy, not regret decades later. Subtly (at least you think), you?re defining a Bora summer.

You hope that when it?s time for them to enjoy summer alone with their friends, the summers they?ve had with you as a family were fun moments that wouldn?t pale in comparison.

Second scenario

If you can?t have the family over to Bora and your teens insist on going there with friends, at least know the friends he/she will be with. By now, if you still don?t know your child?s crowd, that?s cause for concern.

And?in Bora, they chill out not only with friends, but also friends of friends of friends. Bora is where your child could spend the day or night with strangers.

Actually there are no iron-clad rules on how to deal with your teens? Bora summer. No rules, there?s only the set of values you hope you?ve passed on to them. And even then, you know they?re not iron-clad.

I?ve always said, just be there with them, even if you?re not in Bora, even if not in the literal sense. Communicate. Listen to them, even if what you hear shocks you, and even if they don?t listen to you.

Just be there in their lives, not only in their Bora summer.