WE LEARN best by watching, listening and observing. Here are some lessons I learned from my mother:

1. Family comes first.

Mom had a full-time career when she met my dad and she did not stop working throughout her marriage. What she chose to do, upon my father’s request, was to slow down on her career. And so in the years my brother and I were in elementary school, she stopped making movies and concentrated on doing television instead. These were years, I believe, when she produced some of her best work in comedy and drama. Mother mastered the art of work-home balance long before the term was coined.

I remember how she would take us to and from school every day. Her presence in the home provided us stability especially after our father passed away. He was the ultimate family man and so mom just followed his lead. Both were very hands-on in an age when child-rearing was often just left to the mother. Perhaps it was also because my mother certainly would not have agreed to being the sole caretaker of her children. Thus, I had no question in my mind whatsoever that when I would have a family of my own, my family would always come first.

2. Fight for what you believe in but choose your battles wisely.

Mom is one of the most courageous women I know, someone who truly speaks her mind out. She ventured to Manila to follow her heart (a boyfriend, actually) and ended up with a broken heart. Never to dwell on defeat, she stayed in Manila and pursued a career in show business. She has been at it for almost 50 years now. “Courage will get you where you want to go but you have to choose your battles wisely,” she would often tell me, “Walang mangyayari sa’yo ’pag wala kang lakas ng loob [Nothing will happen to you if you do not have courage].” It was from mom that I learned how to be an eternal optimist, to speak up when I think a wrong has been done, to find the silver lining, but to also just keep quiet and pray it away when the battle isn’t worth fighting.

3. Cleave but don’t lose yourself.

Unknown to many, my mother lived up to St. Paul’s instruction: “Wives, submit to your husbands...” but she did so by keeping her individuality. My dad always had the last word but I could see that in many ways, my mother continued to be her own person. It’s a good thing my father was one of the most secure persons, so he did not mind the public attention on mom. He was very generous and fully supportive of her dreams, and she showed him her gratitude by attending to his needs. Dad could be difficult to live with, but mom had her way of easing things at home. When he died, it was as if she had lost her anchor, but in time, she got her bearings and devoted her years to us and her craft. Her resiliency, she attributes, in part, to the fact that she was able to keep a life of her own, amid her devotion to dad and us.

4. It’s never too late to get fit. Stay natural.

A few years before my father passed away, mom started running. She was already in her early 40s when she would go off early in the morning to run. “Running was what helped keep me sane after your dad died,” she’d tell me back then. My mother had the best legs on the block and could outrun any man. In her 50s, she had legs that would put any 20-year-old to shame. Now that I am her age when she first started running, her experience and example give me hope and passion to be even fitter when I hit the big 5-0. To this day, mom can hike the hills of our village effortlessly. Her age will forever be a national secret, but I never cease to marvel at, and thank the Lord for, how fit she still is.
Mom has stuck to the same cleansing and moisturizing technique for the last 35 years and her face has not been touched ever by the knife. “My lines are my battle scars and so I wear them proudly. They give me character and tell many stories,” she explains. “Stick with what works and just change once in a while,” she says of the products that have helped maintain her smooth, olive skin. My father would often joke that sleeping with mom was like sleeping with a box of macaroons. Coconut oil has been mom’s best friend all these years.

5. God is all you need.

Mom has been through a lot. She says it has been her faith in God and his grace that has seen her through. “Wala nang iba, siya lang talaga [There’s no one else. It’s only Him],” is how mom likes to put it, through good times and bad. “Paborito tayo ni Lord [We are the Lord’s favorite]...” she likes to say, in reference to the Biblical passage on how God favors widows and orphans. Her example has shown me time and again to always put Him first.

Although I’d like to think I am more my father’s daughter in many ways, I also believe that I would not be the woman I am today if not for the love, support and care of my mom. I only had dad for 16 years but in that span, he taught me lessons I carry to this day. Mom raised us single-handedly and continues to mother us in her unique way. However, as I grow older, I see more and more of her in me. Hey, who wouldn’t want to have gorgeous skin and drop-dead legs at 50? I love you, mom! Happy Mother’s Day!

E-mail the author at cathybabao@gmail.com.