DEAR EMILY,

I am 30, married for eight years with two children, seven and three years old. My husband has been a seaman since 2006. He was here on vacation last December and went back onboard last March.

My big problem is, I caught my husband cheating on me. I read the text of his girlfriend saying they were meeting at Makati Medical for a prenatal checkup. He denied it and claimed the text was wrongly sent. But the girl?s text said hi to my two kids!

Finally, he admitted he had gotten her pregnant. I was so shocked, I cried like I never cried. I was secure in our relationship because while he was onboard, we?d text each other every day and he?d call me once a week. He swore I was the only one for him and that he?d never cheat because he said he believed in karma.

He said he is sorry and asked for one more chance. Now he is back onboard. I don?t know if I can really forgive him. There are many questions in my mind, which were never answered because our time together was short.

How will I know if he is telling the truth now? Does he deserve a second chance? Do I have to forgive him just for the sake of our children? Is it true that once a cheat, always a cheat?

SHENG

You and his girlfriend are basically on the same boat. Though you are the wife, this woman, like it or not, has become part of your husband?s life by the fact that she has his child ? who will be entitled to some of the benefits as your kids.

You are both in a relationship with a lonely man whose means of coping with isolation in the vast and desolate seas is to play games with the emotions of two women.

Cruel to you, but a possible necessary psychological lifeline for him. It?s just too exciting for him to let either one of you go.

You will never know the truth. Giving a second chance to a man beyond your reach will be a practice in futility. Would he feel any different if you left him now?

Better for you to wait this out and see how things turn. Maintain the status quo because there?s nothing you can do to him ? not while you?re able to see each other only once every few years. Your relationship will inevitably be defined if he stays here for good and stops traveling all together. As it stands, only your husband truly knows where his heart belongs.

In the meantime, make him miss you by reinforcing the family values you?ve created and the history you?ve shared. Make him realize that he has a solid life with you, and the loss once you leave him. Since your only connection to him is the almighty telephone, be nice, be sweet, however difficult it is.

Bite your tongue when you start turning into a fishwife. As the saying goes, ?You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.?

E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, subject: Lifestyle