DEAR EMILY,

I met this girl when we were teens. I care deeply for her but we are now living in separate continents. But each time we meet, we make love for old times? sake.

It breaks my heart whenever we part ways but it?s an unspoken agreement between us. I know she loves me and I feel the same for her.

Recently, she?s been diagnosed with cancer and I want to be with her more than ever. My wife will not understand, of course, but I want to live life without regrets now that we?re in our early 40s.

Is seeking my personal happiness more important than my family? She is separated and we?re both established financially. She is not asking me to leave my family. It?s my choice. That?s what I admire the most about her: composed, no drama, no demands.

NAME WITHHELD

What wife will understand you leaving her so you can take care of a girlfriend?

Relationships are not revolving doors. It?s either you are in or you are out. There is no ?Yes...but.?

Being a family man, it is a given that you have to sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of your family?s. But when that happens, there?s just going to be unhappiness and bitterness all around.

How do you plan to go about it? Ask your wife for a legal separation or secure a hasty divorce perhaps, depending on which continent you are living in. Will she give it to you without splitting hairs? Has she known about the other woman all along or is this going to come as a surprise to her? Can she handle it without having a stroke? How about your kids? Can you manage an acrimonious relationship with them?

No one can blame you really for feeling the way you feel. We all fall madly in love once upon our lives, and then ? just as fast ?fall out of it.

Subsequently, in something as dramatic as a flash of lightning or as inconsequential as a flick of an eyelash, the sickeningly sweet memories of that love can come flooding back like it never left, and there?s nothing you can do about it. You become a slave to it, succumb to its wiles, and just like a cork bobbing in the ocean, throw your fate to the wind.

Go for it, if that?s how intensely you feel about her. Enjoy the remaining moments of her life, be it a few months or a few years. Just be careful and be truly sure of what you wish for. There could be no comebacks here.

(Send your e-mail to emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle.)