MANILA, Philippines ? When asked about Mark and Joshua, I usually give a happy sigh and say they are my treasures. Despite everything that has happened through the years, I have become aware that parenting is not only a gift to be cherished, but also a continuing learning experience for me. The realities we encounter as parents are realities our children face as well.

Having a single mom, my kids have faced tough choices they had to make in their tender age. They have had to learn to accept harsh realities which any parent would wish she could find solutions to. When they were younger, they saw other children enjoy luxuries and they would ask me why they could not have the same things. I would explain to them how different families have different lifestyles.

This situation triggered my search for ways to make my kids feel secure with themselves despite our circumstances.

I figured that if I hoped to inculcate in them the value of financial security, I?d have to start them early. When my kids were still under seven years old, I encouraged them to save a portion of any amount they get, whether it be allowance or cash gifts. This taught them the value not only of saving, but also of ownership and responsibility for their actions.

Trust also plays a vital role since they had to believe me when I said how important it was to manage their money in the future.

But I also gave them the right to decide how much and whether or not they wanted to keep saving. I left it up to them to see the rewards of their decision, and it worked!
Joshua eventually found out for himself how it feels when he spends every peso in his pocket, thus having nothing to pay for that shiny, cool toy race car he then discovers at the toy store. He has since learned to be more diligent with his money, while continuing to be everyone?s ?Mr. Friendship.?

Psycho-emotional security

The psycho-emotional aspect of security is also vital in a child?s self-development. My eldest, Mark, has a poignant story.

Born two months premature, he had gone through so much from his first moment. I wasn?t allowed to touch him immediately. There were only minutes at a time when I could touch him but with gloves attached to the incubator. I held my tears while talking with him, even telling him jokes.

Barely weighing three pounds, he endured breathing difficulties, a collapsed lung, mouth thrush, and other complications of premature birth. Each visit I made had remarkable effects though, until one day I watched this bundle of cuteness literally swing off the tube from his mouth and kick the porthole of the incubator, as if telling us, ?Enough is enough, I will be okay!? I knew then that between the two of us, he was to become the stronger one.

I appreciate Mark?s complete trust in me. And when I look back, it is because of all the years we?ve spent talking to each other, being verbally open about practically anything that comes our way. They know how far I would go to protect them and keep them from harm. They know how much I will forgo for them to have three meals a day. They know I?ll always be there to lend a hand when they need me. They know that when they?ve run out of ways, I?d help them find another. They know, because they have seen me do all those.

More than anything, I let them see, hear and feel how much I love them. It doesn?t take much of my time, doesn?t cost a thing and the happiness they get no toy could give.

You?d never know when your kids would need you, so it?s best to be available to them as much as you can.

Trust as cornerstone

We must make them trust us enough to be trustworthy themselves in the future. It is not only our relationship with them we are building, but also their future selves.

Trust is the cornerstone, the pillar of a relationship. If you lose the children?s trust, they start depending on themselves. They may end up relying on the influence of other people, or they build mechanisms to go their own way. Respond with immaturity and they may become immature themselves.

Not keeping our promises to our children slowly destroys their trust in us. We even defend ourselves by saying we were just forced or coerced into saying, ?Okay, I promise.?

But kids take promises seriously. We can try making it up to them but it?s not enough to recover what was lost in our children?s hearts. We cannot turn back time, so let us try our best to fulfill those promises.

If we know we can?t keep a promise, instead of a flat ?No,? it wouldn?t hurt to spend a few minutes talking to your child and explaining to him/her what you could do instead.

I?ve done this countless times with Mark and Josh. We usually negotiate over their requests and my capabilities. And no matter how trite it may seem, it is fun when we include kisses and hugs in the haggling. Hey, they won?t be this young for long, anyway.

I have learned, through them, the value of inner strength, patience, acceptance, peace and understanding. What we do when we are with our children is important; our children watch that. Habits, beliefs and attitudes are all experienced. We are the culture our children live, and we have to take care of that.