DEAR EMILY,

I am 43, happily married for 10 years now, with two daughters of grade school age. My life has been perfect: a successful career, a wonderful relationship with my loving wife, until I was sent by my company on special training for a possible promotion.

I met Jay, three years my junior, single, kind-hearted, generous. In the end, he was promoted, I wasn?t. Out of the blue, he told me he loves me even though I?m married. He said he was willing to wait. I felt violated so I rejected him. Still, he communicated with me.

During a company reunion, our paths crossed and something sexual happened between us. I found myself falling in love as well.

That was also my first experience with a man. It was weird because while I?ve had one-night stands with women, I never developed emotional attachment with them.

I knew this kind of relationship was doomed from the start, so I decided to sever ties with him even if I longed for his company, and all the other women I had affairs with. I stopped my liaisons, cleaned up my act and realized what a jerk I had been for cheating on my unsuspecting wife.

My conscience is bothering me and it has taken a toll on my health, work and relationship with my wife, children and friends. I want to tell my wife but I know that not only will she get mad, she will also definitely leave me, and I don?t want my home to break up. Should I just take this secret to my grave?

FAMILY MAN

If you keep on looking back to your liaisons, you?ll never move on and turn a new page.

Instead of moping and getting depressed, thank the heavens ? for not having been caught and making your life a real nightmare ? and being given another chance in life. If you want a scolding to cleanse your soul, unburden your misery to a priest.

Telling your wife about your past, after the fact, will only cause unnecessary stress in your marriage. Why not make up for your indiscretions by becoming the most loving, kind husband and father you can ever be?

Recapture the essence of what you were like ? a fun and exciting character ? before you got sidetracked. You?re definitely not going to be the exact same person, what with the scars you?d inflicted upon yourself. This, like it or not, has made you wiser, with a whole new perspective in life. Let those highs and lows be your guide to new beginnings.

E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, SUBJECT: LIFESTYLE