DEAR EMILY,

I am a 45-year-old OFW, Muslim, happily married for 10 years now, with two children.

I had a first wife who I divorced after 10 years of marriage. I have three children with her, ages 18, 16 and 12. They are still studying; I pay for that and their sustenance.

Lately, my ex-wife and I have been communicating regularly since she and our children live together. Because of our frequent international calls, I started falling in love with her again. I told her she is still the one I love and she said she felt the same for me. She admitted she was not happy with her husband. She is more than willing to divorce her husband so we can get married again next year.

Our three children are very happy about this plan.

As a Muslim, I?m allowed to marry more than one. My problem is my present wife, if she will allow me to take another, specifically, my first wife. My life will never be complete unless we stay under one roof again, to live together forever.

HUSBAND WITH A PROBLEM

How receptive is your present wife to the customs of your culture? Positive? Negative? Couldn?t care less? You?re not retirable yet, so are you already planning to come home for good, the reason why you want to remarry your ex? If no plans are in the offing, why rock the boat? Why not allow both your families to maintain the status quo ? that is, continue their separate lives ? until you come and are physically present to make the final decision?

You?ve proclaimed you?ve been ?happily married? to your present wife these past 10 years. Can?t your motive just be proprietary, meaning, having all of them under one roof and being able to do a roll-call of your ?assets?? Unless you?re willing to lose one for the other, it will be for your peace of mind that you put things in perspective. Will the husband of your ex-wife not make trouble? Are there kids in this other marriage?

How will the finances be apportioned? Will there be enough to make each family happy? If you can successfully have two wives ? what?s to stop you from having a third or fourth? Could all these longings and thinking about forever be just loneliness on your part ? being so far away from everyone? Can this imagined isolation be playing tricks on your mind ? equating them with ?can?t live without your love? and all that jazz?

Not all love stories end up happily ever after. There?s such a thing as reality. And reality, like it or not, often sucks.

(Send your e-mail to emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle)