DEAR EMILY,

I just turned 32 and my friends still call me immature and narrow-minded. I am a single mom with a two-year-old daughter. The father of my daughter went abroad to try his luck and is now an illegal alien in the US. He is planning to marry an American citizen. I am okay with that, but my worry is he is actually falling for a neighbor of mine and that is hurting me. He won?t even add my name on his friend?s list on an Internet social networking site.

I sent him an e-mail that we need to move on with our lives. I don?t want to be a hindrance to his plans. My problem is, though he sends P4,000 as monthly support through his sisters, our baby needs more. I am not in good terms with his family and can?t tell them anything.

Communicating with him really hurts me, so I decided to stop contacting him. I still love him and miss him because my daughter looks exactly like him.

Being the only child and breadwinner of my sick and old parents, and being only a contractual worker in a hotel, I?m afraid to lose his child support. But we?re not married and I know I don?t have the right to demand anything from him.

IMMATURE MOM

Accept the fact that you and your ex-boyfriend are history, emotionally.

He has moved on with his life way before you even thought of telling him.

You cannot make any demands for yourself anymore. Your time has passed.

However, your child with him is another story. Whether there is still love involved is neither here nor there. But you have the right to exercise the rights of your child for her.

Though you claim your daughter looks like her father, that will not hold in the court of law. Have you established paternity? Will you subject your child to undergo DNA testing? This is very important because if proven, you can demand financial support from him ? commensurate to his economic earning capacity. This will embolden you to face up to his family who will have to accept your daughter as their own flesh and blood ? like it or not.

Forget love. Forget hurts. Show your maturity as a thinking mother by focusing on the problem at hand. Play your cards well. It?s your daughter?s future that is at stake here.

(Send your e-mail to emarcelo@
inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle)