MANILA, Philippines ? The first thing you notice is that the church aisle is remarkably short, a virtual stab of red carpet framed by blurry smiling faces. After the vertigo of planning and the inevitable sleepless night prior to the wedding, it all goes by so fast.
Though a Filipino wedding can grow to become the logistical equivalent of filling Noah?s Ark (everyone comes in pairs, the carnivores must be kept away from the herbivores, etc.), it comes as a magnificent opportunity to make symbolic gestures at every opportunity. Though beleaguered couples often ask themselves why are they putting themselves through it, the better question is, how can you not? And if you?re Pinoy, accept the fact that there is no such thing as a small wedding.
My wife Joysie?it is still an amazing thrill to be able to say those three words together?got a good night?s sleep (though she notably spent the entirety of the previous year suffering from the world?s longest case of cold feet) so I rely primarily on her recollection as to the events of that day. The video and the pictures help, but for the most part, it is both a relief (we did it!) and a bit of a puzzle (what happened exactly?).
Perhaps I can just be happy she went through with it at all. As she was walking down the aisle, my father-in-law, in a moment of jest, told her, ?Are you sure? Now?s the time to say something.? My wife, half-seriously, responded, ?OK, let?s go!? Either my father-in-law didn?t hear her, or thought she was joking, but thankfully the advance down the aisle continued uninterrupted.
Now, just over a year after the wedding, I can say the same things about the year gone by. We?ve gone and returned on honeymoon, attended other people?s weddings (always nice, but we can unabashedly say ours is the best), fought, bought and laughed a lot through city after city of blinding lights, from Cambridge to Kowloon, from San Francisco to Salcedo Village, from Baguio to Boracay. We?ve discovered that fighting while on vacation is never a good idea especially if only one of you is in possession of the funds and that holding hands is an even greater comfort once you?re married.
It is after the wedding that you find out just how much clarity you can gain, particularly for husbands. You realize that there are a lot of salad bowls and toasters still out there, waiting to meet more marrying men and women, as well as the fact that lowering toilet seats and squeezing the toothpaste tube from the bottom are neither optional nor fictional. I can say, without irony or pretension, that it is astounding how much you can read the mind of your spouse and still be completely clueless.
But I can consider myself lucky because, after 52 weeks, I really am looking forward to our marriage burning bright in the years to come. If anything, I?ve discovered that I made the right choice, and I can safely say I cannot imagine being married to anyone else. It sounds trite and sentimental, but I hold that realization close to me like the most miraculous of medals. Or the way our gigantic Shih Tzu Mito clamps his jaws on anything that?s caught his fancy.
It is the unseen romance of the everyday, the workaday joy in running errands together, the soft familiarity of daily meals together, the terror and thrill of thinking about the future, and the sparkling dream of children. It happens without soft music, sonnets or sunsets. Day after beautiful day, I wake up to that same smile, sometimes silly, sometimes subtle, but always stunning. I wake to the same eyes, sometimes playful, sometimes puzzling, but always endlessly deep. They reflect a universe of what is to come, celestial bodies spinning into fulfillment, perfectly aligned stars burning in the promise that all this, and much, much more is on its way.
