MANILA, Philippines ? When we were young, we couldn't wait to get older. I remember how excited I was for my 13th birthday. I was going to be a teenager! Then I couldn't wait for my 18th birthday. I could vote! When I hit my 21st, I was beside myself with anticipation: now I could buy alcohol legally. Whoohoo!

I guess the excitement, the impatience to grow older owes much to what we believe we can accomplish when we hit a certain age. There are milestones, things you could suddenly do that you couldn't do before.

But things change. I remember when I first started feeling this whole age thing. It was the night of my 23rd birthday, we were having dinner in this Chinese restaurant and my mom stood up to reach for the Peking Duck. She looked down on my head and exclaimed, ?Hey, may puting buhok ka na (you've got white hair)!? Thanks mom, happy birthday to me!

At that time, I really didn't give it much thought. It never even occurred to me to run to the nearest drug store for a box of hair dye for that one gray hair. After all, I was only 23. I was young!

Now I'm 39, just a few months shy of my 40th birthday, and boy, can I feel it. Thank goodness I don't look it. (Really!) Whenever my age comes up and people ask, ?How old are you?? I usually reply with, ?Guess?? They usually say 28, 30 32? And I take soooooo much pleasure in telling them the truth. I love to see the shock on their faces and hear them exclaim, ?No way!? I then proudly pull out my driver's license and show them proof that yes, I am that old.

I do realize, however, that I can't always look young. That, although I can still fool people into thinking I'm only 30 or better yet, 28, I should be ready to handle this whole aging business.

It all started with the hair. Years ago, I started experimenting with hair color. I went through a red phase, a brown phase, an auburn and a copper phase. But the coloring was more to get a new look than to hide the grays. I even stopped coloring for a few years to give my hair a break from all the chemical torture. But about four years ago, I realized that the grays weren't going away, that I now have more gray hair than I'd like to admit. So coloring my hair evolved from being something I wanted to do, to something I absolutely had to.

I finally had to admit, it was time. I now go to the salon regularly to dye my hair. I can't pass a mirror without checking if the grays are back. I also make sure to pull out the dead hair that stick out of my mane. I hide!

But of course, once you start, you just can't stop right? Last year, after much thought and consideration, I went to the dermatologist. This time, it wasn't for the wart cauterizing or the zit popping or some random skin irritation. It was time for some anti-ageing treatments. My doctor told me I needed to do IPL. It was painless, just a few minutes every three weeks and it was supposed to erase the lines and make me look even younger. Whoohoo! I never even bothered to ask what that all meant, what the side effects were, what would happen. I just took a deep breath and signed on the dotted line.

And I must admit, ever since I signed up, I have gotten compliments on my skin. So what did I do? I signed up for another round. ?Maintenance,? my doctor declared.

The whole time, of course, the word ?sucker? was playing in my head. Sucker is right. Who decided that I should even consider fighting this age thing? Who declared that I can't look my age? Why are women not allowed to age gracefully? Why can't I be proud to be 40? Why did I plunk down P50,000 for some skin treatment that'll erase some of those facial lines? And more importantly, who keeps inventing Thermage, IPL, Botox, Strivectin, Diamond Peel, Restylanes etc. etc. etc.? Every week it seems there's a new anti-ageing solution, new treatments, new surgeries - it goes on and on.

Because everyone wants to look young!

Men on the other hand are allowed to age. In fact, the older they get, the more attractive they become. Gray hair makes men look dignified. Crow's feet makes men look more charming. Granted there are a few men who indulge in anti-ageing hair and skin treatments, but as a rule, men can get old, while women must stay young. Sucks, but that's just the way the world works.

In just a few short months, I'll be 40. Aaargghhh! It scares me, really it does. Because after 40 comes 50 then before you know it, you're 60. The milestones get scarier. At 45, my biological clock will stop ticking; at 55 I can consider early retirement; at 60 I won't have to fast for Lent anymore. Not quite as exciting as turning 21 now, is it?

And yes, no matter how much I complain, how much I whine, at the end of the day I want to look young too. And I love that so far, I'm not doing half-bad in the fighting-my-age-battle. I know I will sign up for more treatments, make more visits to the salon for a dye job, stock-up on anti-ageing creams and whatnot. I will still giggle when someone thinks I'm younger than I actually am, and yes, I will still refuse to look my age. Sucks, but that's just the way the world works.