MANILA, Philippines – First, the bad news. The fact is, the words “young” and “beautiful” will almost always be spoken in the same breath. Forget sympathetic analogies with aged wine or vintage china; in today’s society, where beauty contestants must fall within the 16-25 age bracket and a bloody, high-tech battle is being fought daily in cosmetics laboratories to keep the first wrinkle or gray hair at bay, it’s the pretty young thing who gets noticed, and gets her foot in the door first.

Then, there’s the good news—once you’re in, it takes much more than just a pretty face to keep you from getting kicked out the same door. Also, thanks to the same aforementioned technology, there’s now a very thin line between almost perfect and downright fake, and being exposed as the latter really won’t keep them ooh-ing and aah-ing for long.

For discriminating observers, the word “beautiful” has thankfully earned some degree of gravitas, partly because there are so many words that can now describe girls before they (hopefully) mature into beautiful women. Women have to earn their stripes to be called seriously beautiful nowadays, with the accompanying respect and universal agreement. A beautiful woman transcends types and personal preferences; a beautiful woman merits your acknowledgement, even if she’s blond and you prefer brunettes, or even if she’s a petite chinita when your tastes run to tall mestizas. It’s precisely because she takes whatever she has, and knocks your socks off with it, that she’s fabulous. Wow. Something else.

Thus, Kim Chiu is cute; Angel Aquino is soul-soothingly beautiful (that’s inside and out). KC is lovely and bubbly, while mega mama Sharon, in no small part because she’s lived life and stayed bubbly despite its challenges, qualifies as beautiful. To take a foreign example: Miley Cyrus is jumpy as a jelly bean, while Michelle Pfeiffer purrs softly but can blow the kids out of the stratosphere.

Common denominator? Most beautiful women I know are over 30. Some of the most beautiful women I know—my 84-year-old mother Alice, writer Gilda Cordero-Fernando—are grandmothers several times over, but seem capable of glowing in the dark. In their 30s and 40s, women are hitting their prime—not too old to have fun, not too young to be so clueless. Seems that substance really does make you shine.

“Whether it be her career or family, women at this age are starting to find a deeper purpose in life,” says image consultant and personal branding trainer Romina Urra-Gonzalez, who helps men and women polish their image, behavior, and appearance.

Herself a former model, Romina counts Gilda (again), her own mom Carmita Francisco, and eternally youthful sister-in-law (and mother of four) Tweetie de Leon-Gonzalez among her beauty role models. “During your thirties and beyond, you have a greater responsibility to keep healthy and beautiful because you don’t have your youth to back you up.. This is when women find their glow, not from the latest blush, but from within. Being beautiful is closely associated with greater confidence, more knowledge, and peace.”

“You have to be able to love yourself to feel and look good as you age,” states makeup master Patrick Rosas, beauty director of the Fashionwatch shows. “Look at Italian women, they’ve mastered it. They eat well, dress well, live a good life. I know a 75-year-old woman who goes to the parlor very regularly to pamper herself, and she looks 40. The problem with Filipinas is they can get so emotional about growing old. Also, few have time for themselves—it’s the husband, the children first. They have to learn to love themselves.”

“Let me quote Samantha from ‘Sex in the City,’” says hot fashion designer Joey Samson. “‘When you turn 30 or 40, you don’t sweat the small stuff.’ What matters are the people and things that are supposed to matter—work, family, good or true friends, health. When you’re young you’re always in a hurry. A beautiful person knows how to focus and take things one day at a time, while being content with what she has, not constantly comparing herself to others.” That’s why Joey’s own idol is his 77-year-old mother, Ligaya Samson. Aside from the fact that she still likes to dress up and has kept her knockout, varicose vein-free legs, she knows how to have fun. “Can you believe my Mom has even gone up to Sagada with her friends? Then another time I called, she was heading for Palawan!”

While genes may give you an edge, understanding what works best for you at this age is essential. “You still need the discipline,” says Patrick. “Eat well, dress well, and go to the spa.”

Adds Romina: “Crash dieting doesn’t work at this age, and a beautiful woman knows that a healthier way of eating and working out gives her a balanced lifestyle. That translates into good skin, healthy hair, strong nails and teeth. She knows she has age spots, wrinkles, sagging breasts, saddlebags and a puson, but she also knows how to work around these challenges by acquiring some knowledge in image enhancement.” (E-mail rominagonz@gmail.com for help!)

Women would do well not to aspire for just flawless makeup or flat abs, but for the wisdom to know when to push it—and when to relax. My mother still combs her platinum hair before stepping out of the car. And then again, sometimes she’ll just throw on a housedress and head out, smelling like flowers, laughing heartily at any joke.

“Let it be,” Joey Samson concludes. “If you keep fighting and trying so hard, tatanda ka talaga (you will really age)!”