MANILA, Philippines--Eighteen. An age of convoluted implications?of crossroads and road bends, where one pauses to look back and look forward; struggling to move forward despite the fears of childhood, eager to run towards giant dreams.

For many, it is an age of decision and trying to find something to live for and believe in. For girls, it is a coming of age into womanhood. So 18 can be a frightening age, and I?I happen to be 18.

When I was younger, I thought turning 18 would mean four things. One, I would have to understand things that sounded boring to me?like stocks. Two, I would have to wear painful stilettos or kili-kili bags and I would have to start dressing like a woman. Three, I could go to jail. And four, it meant I?d be really old. The bottom line was, I wanted nothing to do with it.

I turned 18 on the first of August with a line by Dr. Seuss in my head as the clock hit midnight. ?Congratulations! Today is your day. You?re off to great places! You?re off and away!?

I was terrified, but Dr. Seuss was right. My 18th birthday was one of the best days of my life. I was out the night before, not wanting to spend the last few minutes of childhood in my room at the dorm. As my date was walking me back to the building, confetti started falling from the sky. I looked up to see my friends giving me a colorful shower from their windows.

Other people popped out of nowhere with balloons, party poppers, a cake, hats and placards that said, ?Happy Birthday, Hannah!? I hugged my date and he told me to look again. My dorm mates had flipped the placards, and they now read, ?Will you be my girlfriend?? They started singing, ?You are so beautiful to meeee!? as I blew the candles on the cake which said, ?To 18 years of yellow.?

I loved every bit of it. I retired to my bed in the early dawn, but my year had only started.

I?ve seen all sorts of debuts before--from lavish parties at Shang to cozy get togethers at McDo. I realize now that debuts nowadays aren?t really coming-out parties anymore. They have evolved into celebrations that kick off your adulthood? celebrations that remind you that you?re never on your own.

I had a pseudo debut too, which was easy to plan because I got a lot of help. Though it didn?t involve expensive gowns and a cotillion, it was overwhelming. I had about 130 guests, all of them people that I truly love.

One of the people who spoke during my party told me that I didn?t need to dress sophisticated or wear make-up to be a proper woman. He said I was already a woman?that I had already grown up during my 18 years on this planet. Turns out, he was right, because somehow, in the course of 18 years, I managed to be who I am now.

So much has shaped me?discovering my passion, knowing failure, being the only child of a single parent, living with the Aetas, eventually living on my own and doing something that I thought would completely terrify me, like going to UP Diliman for college. I?ve come this far, yet I know I still have a long way to go. And suddenly, I find myself presented with more than a series of crossroads. This time, there are blank spaces to fill.

And now that I am 18, I have come to the devastating conclusion that I do not know what I am doing with my life. Oddly, something about that excites me. I can only hope that I am right in deciding to follow my dreams of being a photographer and showing people the world instead of choosing what is most practical in such hard times. I?d rather fail while following my dreams than live another life just wondering what I could have been. I guess I just have to brace myself if something catastrophic happens. But for now, I just have to trust myself. I believe that choosing to follow my dreams has been my best decision so far.

Every time I?m asked to speak in debuts, I say the same thing. I tell the debutante that she?s a woman now, but that I hope that 18 doesn?t kill her sense of wonder and adventure that can only live in a child?s heart. I refuse to let a number take away my belief that there is enchantment in the smallest of things.

I?m 18 now, proud of having really lived. But what?s stellar is the fact that there is definitely much to live for still. There is adventure waiting to be explored, life waiting to be savored. Eighteen is an awesome age to take on those adventures on, and I?I happen to be 18!