OKAY, so there are too many songs about making up after a break-up out there. But what if there?s no making up?if the relationship is done, over with, the end? The fact is, breaking up is pretty much like any spectator sport or technical skill nowadays?with practice, and by learning from past mistakes, it becomes easier.

Well, it?s never easy, but you can significantly scale down the drama, the grief, and the humiliation of thinking you should still be together (when you know he?s about as good for you as a kilo of lechon fat rolled in refined sugar).

Based on my vast (HAH!) experience, it really is true?breaking up gets easier with age. That is, assuming that you?re a relatively mature human being with friends, passions, and a life of your own that doesn?t completely revolve around your significant other. If you?re reading this while you?re in a relationship and you?re allowing this to happen, be warned. If you?ve just broken up and you allowed this to happen, then you?re in for a tough time.

Getting over someone is an organic process?it?s got its own phases, cycle and rhythm, and there?s actually little you can do to hasten the process (although there?s a helluva lot you can do to prolong it). In the meantime:

1. Always remind yourself that it?s better this way. Yes, even if you miss him to bits. If you were the dumper, remind yourself of why it was a good decision (at least I hope it was). If you were the dumpee, bear in mind that anybody who can do that to you doesn?t deserve you. Call it fate, a divine plan, the unfolding of your destiny, your feng shui, karma, whatever?if you believe that there are forces that keep this universe running, it?s easier to yield control of circumstances.

2. Go for zero contact. Do not for a second delude yourself into thinking you can segue straight from being lovers into being friends. Yes, even if you think it?s alright because you ?still care for each other naman? (whatever), or if you?ve both immediately found somebody else (which is a bad idea?see no. 5). Give each other space, and forget about phone calls or drinks so you can discuss what went wrong, because over-analysis of the past is one of the biggest roadblocks to moving into the future. And that?s where you want to be right now. Some girls I know befriended their exes in a few weeks or months, others take years, others never do. Personally, I think it?s excellent closure when you?re able to see each other and laugh about your past, and only the good feelings are remembered. Corollary to this?

3. Purge your environment of any reminders. I remember making a midnight bonfire of one ex?s pictures and letters while my mother looked on in disbelief?a wise idea now, because it?s bad for the environment and a violation of the Clean Air Act. Besides, if you?re not ready, no dramatic rituals will work. My friends and I even had this schmaltzy bit about throwing an ex?s torn-up picture into the sea. That was a bad idea, because I then kept associating the sea with him, and going to the beach got me all weepy for a while?and he didn?t even swim! A garbage bag will do, or if you?re optimistic (which we should all be), just keep the letters and pictures and favorite books and CDs in a place you won?t see for a while. I deeply regret burning a whole bunch of books an ex gave me, because they were good books?I could have just ripped off the mushy dedication pages, but I wasn?t thinking clearly at the time, you understand. Also, avoid any favorite places for a while, until you?re ready to reclaim them. It may not seem so at first, but yes, Manila is big enough for any two people. That being said?

4. Take a vacation. Go somewhere you?ve never been, with friends or family. As my spiritual director said, make new memories. Or do something completely new, like learning surfing or taking up yoga?an addition to your life that wasn?t there when he was. I got into serious yoga to help me with the blues after a broken engagement. I like to think of myself as a different person now, and everything else that happened then as my ?pre-yoga? life.

5. Remember that rebounds rarely work. Unless, of course, you?re with the (third) party who caused the break-up in the first place, and you feel you just traded up, as it were, in which case you?ve got something else to work out for some time (it?s called ?guilt?). Like I recently told a friend who lost someone, don?t be in a hurry to be okay. Know with certainty that one day, you will wake up and you will be okay, and it doesn?t hurt anymore, and life really does go on. And for the optimists in all of us?

6. Don?t dump your baggage on the next man. Remember that people are different, with different wonderful as well as awful traits. The best lesson you can bring to your next relationship? That you?re a strong, complete, happy person even on your own. That kind of attitude can only make you a better partner.