DADS, you might have to fight alongside your teenage son?s character in the latest version of the ?World of Warcraft.? Moms, you might have to tag along with your daughter when she hangs out with her cyber barkada in ?Second Life.? And parents, hang on to your composure and high blood medication should you see photographs of your adolescent kids in form-fitting bikinis in Facebook.

Being laid back in the face of such cyber siege might seem contrary to every parenting rule hardwired in your brain, but as always, it?s crucial to know the enemy. Why are young people these days so attached to the Web and all it offers ? from online games to social networking sites?

Whether it?s accumulating points by blasting monsters in a dark castle, creating their own fashion line for virtual customers on the other side of the globe, or simply hooking up with kids their own age, today?s youngsters are drawn to the world that exists within the computer screen. Being cyber-savvy has become the identifying mark of this generation, whose first tentative steps as a toddler must have been to the nearest PC console.

Pulling the plug or imposing total abstinence from computer activity at home isn?t bound to work either; your children might just flee to the nearest Internet café. In one extreme case, a 13-year-old boy defied his parents and destroyed the screen on his window just to share computer time with his classmate next door.

The cyberworld is ?the young generation?s social milieu,? says Rebecca ?Bicbic? Medez of the Reintegration for Care and Wholeness Foundation, Inc. (RCW). ?It is very real for them. As parents, how can we connect with our children if we are not involved in their world?? notes this psycho-spiritual counselor for individuals, couples and families.

Instead of seeing computers as a curse from hell, Medez advises parents to use them instead as a platform to re-bond with their children and regain their trust. ?If they are into online war games, try to participate. See what is in that game that attracts them. If they take pride in creating strategies that enable them to win war campaigns, recognize that. Then ask them what they do that makes them win ? and how they can use those same strategies in increasing their grades for the next semester or grading period in school.?

Parents should try to connect with their children on this level, especially if the computer has become their unofficial babysitter, she adds. Unlike its predecessor, the TV set, various software programs make cyber immersion a very individualized interactive affair. While parents some decades ago could share a reasonable conversation with their children over dinner in front of the idiot box, kids these days won?t even look up from the computer screen when Dad and Mom drop by their rooms to check on them.

And while TV doesn?t talk back, kids in cyberspace can connect with their peers from all over the world, and might unwittingly be chatting with a sexual predator who passes himself off as another youngster.

When trying to get to know this cyberworld, it would be wise for parents to project a non-judgmental approach. Control the urge to scream should you see your children frolicking half-naked with other pre-teens on a beach in a photo that the whole world can access. ?Go into the next room if you have to and count to ten,? Medez advises. ?Then after you?ve composed yourself, go back and talk to your teenager in a non-threatening way.? As trust builds up, children become more open and receptive to their parent?s guidance.

Knowing how to navigate their children?s cyberworld can help parents connect with their friends ? and by extension, get to know their parents and form some kind of unofficial mutual support group.

Watching their children?s game can also give parents an insight into their inner life. An online avatar of a 10-year-old who kicks every virtual neighbor he sees can be an indication of repressed anger. Or more time spent in a cyberworld that?s more focused on space and astronomy than the proverbial virtual tropical island can reflect a child?s inclinations and interest.

Online monitoring becomes easy if started early, says Medez. She recounts how her 6-year-old son can play computer games in Disney Playhouse only via her laptop, as there are no other PCs in the house. This enables her to limit the time her son spends on the game, and monitor his online activities.

But problems can crop up, especially when communication avenues are blocked to begin with. When working parents are too busy, a lonely schoolchild can end up joining his friends in the cybercafé and spending more time playing online games than attending to his studies in the classroom.

As one angry high schooler snapped back in response to a family counselor, ?Where were my parents when I needed them? I can?t believe they?re coming back now when I no longer do.?

One drastic but effective response is for parents to acknowledge their own shortcomings to their children, with both parties working their way from there.

?Understanding your children is not a one-week process,? says Medez. ?Kids still tend to see a non-judgmental parental approach as temporary or manipulative; they tend to think that their parents want something from them.?

Should a connection with one?s children be established, however, online chaperoning can enable parents to get to know their kids and their friends, and even their friends? parents. During these moments of joint cyber interaction, parents should also reach out to touch their kids, literally, even if only through a shoulder hug or an affectionate mussing of their hair.

?The physical expression of affection is very important,? says Medez.

?If children don?t receive it, they will tend to compensate for it from somewhere else, which leads to cybersex or teenagers re-enacting sexual activities in their various forms via chat rooms, where interaction is done through the exchange of text (think phone sex via keyboard) or actual simulation of the act through their online avatars in a virtual reality game.?

?It is a way by which adolescents explore their sexuality safely and conveniently,? says Medez, ?And sometimes how they discover sexual orientation and preferences. Role-playing allows them to discover who they are by knowing what the other person at the other end of the keyboard wants. It is also very convenient and has less risk ? there is no unwarranted pregnancy, no sexually transmitted diseases, and no hotel expenses.?

There is no easy way to deal with teenagers having cybersex online. Shouting matches won?t work. But parents can take this as an opportunity to explain the birds and the bees and their real-life consequences to their curious adolescent.

?Where is the sense of responsibility in cybersex?? muses Medez. ?A teenager who gets his kicks online can translate the values he exercises in the cyberworld into real life. He may get into a habit of not committing himself once he does enter a relationship, as he has become used to fast, convenient sex. But being human is not about convenience, it is about living life with all its consequences.?

Parents should also give themselves a good look in the mirror if they do catch their children having cybersex or keeping online pornographic pictures in their computer folders.

?Have these parents also visited adult sites or downloaded adult pictures in their computer that is accessible to their kids?? Medez asks. If there are online trails, it wouldn?t be too hard for kids to follow them.

In one real-life case, a mom was shocked to hear her 7-year-old son describe oral sex in detail. As it turns out, the boy, who sleeps with his parents in their bed, woke up one early morning to see his dad downloading photos of the sexual act online.

Then there are the sexual predators, pretending to be kids to gain the trust of teens and pre-teens with the intent of opening a sexual relationship with them. Medez says that these teenagers are vulnerable because they receive from these predators what they lack from their parents: affection, attention, trust, even little gifts. The ensnarement does not happen overnight; Medez even opines that along the way the teenager may even begin to suspect that the hot date she is chatting with may be as old as her father ? but at that point, no longer cares.

?The kids being preyed upon are looking for father figures and subconsciously want to relate to one,? says Medez. ?The gifts given by the predators also build into a sense of indebtedness, which pressures children into accommodating the requests from these so-called substitute parents. And sexual predators know this.?

The problem does not have to reach this stage if parents start interacting with their children starting from their early years.

?The personal connection makes children aware that they have access to their parents at any given time,? Medez says. ?If one parent is working overseas, talk long-distance. The voice is different from an online chat because it?s more personal.?

Quality time is non-negotiable. ?It starts with little things,? says Medez. ?If the child is used to communicating with his parent at an early age, then this is maintained all the way into adulthood. But if there is no communication between parent and child, the kids will connect somewhere else.?

And right now, there is no avenue more attractive than cyberspace. ?

For counseling, call Ms. Medez in RCW at 436-0710 and 426-6832. Or email rmedez@hotmail.com