WE all think that men are the only players in the dating game. We?ve been led to believe that fear of commitment has been an exclusive male quality. So it?s hard to believe women can also be as casual as men in relationships.

But it?s true. So stop fooling yourself if the girl you?ve set your heart on is giving you all kinds of excuses. The truth is, she may be more into that sumptuous dinner buffet than she is into you. And by these signs ? and these words ? ye shall know:

1. ?I don?t mix business with pleasure (aka I keep my heart out of the office).?

You?d been flirting a bit for awhile. At least it looked like that ?lunch together a few times, tarrying at break time after the others had left the pantry, unnecessary but meaningfully long, lingering glances. Then that one night at the company party, you both get wasted and share a moment in the parking garage as you walk her to her car. But after that, it seems she?s avoiding you. She doesn?t flirt back; takes lunch on her own; doesn?t even get up from her desk at break time. Oh well, she?s probably really seeing someone else outside of work and the idea of flirting with you was more exciting than actually making out with you. Or she?s realized, after that life-changing ?moment? (for you, at least) at the parking lot, that dating an MIS guy is beneath her. Spare yourself any more pain. Save the cute lines and come-ons for someone else. Move on ? she?s just not into you.

2. ?I?m not ready to go public about us.?

You hit it off from Day 1 ? trade numbers, start texting, and then dating. Oddly though, she always suggests places no one ever goes to ? movie theaters in Marikina, restaurants in Rizal, hotel bars along Roxas Boulevard, and her laundry room. She?s never introduced you to her family, friends, or even her co-workers. She keeps reminding you that she doesn?t want anything serious, but when you?re together she makes you feel like the most important person in her life. She?s even said the L word in the heat of passion. Sorry, but it seems you?re just her boy toy, someone to pass the time. If you don?t believe me, do some snooping around ? check her cell phone. You may find similar sweet text messages to some other guy(s). Get out while you still can, because definitely she?s just not that into you.

3. ?I?m busy helping poor children (aka Not now, there?s so much suffering in the world).?

You meet at this volunteer program to help the less fortunate. You?re perfect for each other ? self-giving you and this cute philanthropic lady who shares your worldview. The spark starts when you accidentally brush up against each other as you?re handing out relief goods to disaster victims. The headiness of doing-good leads to some smooching on the last night at the thank you dinner for the volunteers ? and that?s the last you ever see of her. Every time you ask her out, she says she?s busy with another relief effort or some fundraising project. You almost feel guilty because your romantic needs are nothing compared to the needs of the flood victims and the street children she has to attend to. You can choose to believe she has really pledged herself to ?a life of service? and will forever be more oriented towards disaster victims and homeless folks. Or you can face the fact that you?re really not part of her worldview after all, because she?s just not into you.

4. ?I?m really into girls.?

She walks like a heterosexual, talks like a real woman, and made out with you like one. Yet right after you give her the keys to your place and introduce her to your friends and family, she starts acting weird. She cut her hair short, grows facial hair and starts hanging out with this model chick. When you ask what?s going on, she blabbers, ?I?m just confused right now. I think I like women.? You know what I think ? she?s faking it. Something?s obviously snapped and it?s made her realize that you?re not really the one. The lesbian thing is just a front (My opinion? Most lesbians are not lesbians; they just like the attention). I hate to say ?I told you so? but the girl is just not that into you. And I told you so. ?