JUDGING by the number of couples planning their weddings at least a year ahead to be able to clinch their choice of venue, this business of marriage seems quite lucrative: for the wedding planner, the printer, the couturier, photographer, videographer, flower arranger, the church, the choir, the caterer, the baker, the band or the orchestra, the venue and the myriad other things that go into a wedding.

With so many couples willing to invest that much time and expense on this occasion, is it safe to assume that marriage has never gone out of style despite the casual regard many have for long-term relationships?

Before the age of the Internet, a long distance relationship would have been enough excuse to break up. But today?s Skype, webcams and chatrooms have lessened the distance somewhat, although they are no guarantee of permanent coupling.

And then again, with more Filipino women finishing college, finding satisfying careers and rising steadily up the corporate ladder, postponing marriage has become an attractive choice. Having earned their own money, most women these days are no longer just waiting for their prince to rescue them from what many people perceive as lonely singlehood.

These days, women are no longer afraid to say, ?Not yet, we?re not ready.? Or, ?No, thanks!? when presented with a pre-nuptial agreement that she finds demeaning.

No wonder that the National Statistics Office (NSO) website shows a decline in marriages: from 593,553 total registered marriages in 2003 to 492,666 in 2006, about 11,000 less pairings.

Of the almost half-million marriages in 2006, 17 percent were between couples under 20 years old; 37.8 percent of the brides were aged 20-24, while 34.4 percent comprise the grooms in the 25-29 age bracket. The higher the age group, from 30 to 50 years old, the fewer the brides. This should balance the figures out as there are more women in the 20-24 age group. The figures also show the trend that older men tend to marry younger women.

Courtship can be expensive, more so if the couple celebrates ?monthsaries? and all kinds of anniversaries. But it?s nothing compared to a grand church wedding with a full entourage of 12 pairs of sponsors and a hotel reception with all the trimmings that could easily cost half a million pesos.

In 2005, of the 518,595 registered marriages that NSO reported, 44.7 percent (232,520) were married in civil rites while 38 percent were wed in Catholic rites (197,413). Others account for other religious ceremonies, Muslim and tribal rites.

NSO Household population by marital status in 2000 shows that 26,088,223 Filipinos are married while only 2.14 percent or 558, 023 are separated. Nine per cent or 2,353,171 are widows or widowers.

Finding ?The One? isn?t exactly easy, although the pressure is less for men.

?I?ve been dating a lot but haven?t found the right girl for me,? says a bachelor in his late thirties. He?s not in a hurry though. It?s the women who are often pressured by family and friends to beat their biological clock and get hitched while they can still have children.

There?s no question that love still makes the world go ?round. People are still going out on dates ? set up by friends or family, or online. Some of the rules have changed, though, with women now making the first moves without being seen as cheap.

Women too have become choosier, with some preferring to become single moms than marry out of obligation. Differences in age, status and income level are looked at more kindly these days, as social strictures have become more porous.

Indeed, the question most often asked by most singles that are living alone and living it up is: Why get married? Why not live-in instead? There?s always a condo to rent, not too much cash out, accessible to work, very private, some of them located in the midst of commercial and business areas. So who needs company? With such choice locations, non-stop gimmick becomes the order of the day and night.

Loneliness is no longer an option: With cellphones, iPods, the computer, Wi-Fi, Wii and other electronic devices, online games, the karaoke, Facebook and Twitter, one need never feel alone.

So you can?t hug them, and they can?t laugh at your jokes. Still is that really enough reason to get hitched?

This writer conducted an informal online survey among engaged couples and newlyweds and came up with several responses to the following questions:

1. What is your idea of marriage? Why get married at all?

?It?s simply making the decision about who you want to share your life?s adventures with; choosing the person who brings out the best in you, and at the same time you bring out the best in him/her. I don?t think you ever stop ?choosing? that person. Once you?ve said your vows, you continue making that choice of being committed to stand by each other in good times and bad.??J, 28, female, nine years in a relationship

?Marriage is beyond a relationship of two people; it is more than just the promises made during the wedding day. Marriage is a special bond which makes two individuals one and yet they have full respect of each other?s identities and uniqueness.??Female, 33, five years in a relationship; engaged

?Contrary to the popular notion of finding one person to complete the other, marriage for me is the union of two ?complete? individuals who know what they want and are confident of what they can bring into the relationship. My reason for hitting the wedding aisle is simple: I have found the person to marry.? ?K, 26, female, engaged for one year and three months

?Marriage is the symbolic and ceremonial celebration of your commitment to each other. I believe that it is a decision ? a decision to cherish, protect, and love your partner unconditionally, for as long as you live. Passion can run out, Romance can sputter away. But a decision, a choice, I?d stick to it and accept everything that comes with it.? ?J, 30, male, two years married

2. How did you know that the person you are marrying is the right one? Does family background get into the picture?

?We are on the same page in terms of faith, values, interests, altruism, intellect and priorities. Family background played little role in my choice.??K, 26, female, engaged one year and three months

?I was certain I wanted to grow old with this person and start a family with him. He was my best friend and I couldn?t imagine living a day without him. In all my plans for the future, all my dreams and goals in life, I always pictured him standing right next to me. And I, too, wanted to be there for him, to see him achieve his goals and be the man he always wanted to be. Family background for me was a factor but not necessarily a major one.??C, 31, female, two years married with a baby boy

?How I felt for my fiancée and how well we got along, the level of trust between us, common wants for the future, and how ?right? it felt to be with her during good and bad times.? C, 40, male, engaged

?You jive in dreams, values and ideals, raising kids and a family, you genuinely care for each other and treat yourselves as a new family unit? the ?us.???M, 42, male

3. How did you prepare for this commitment?

?Spent time with the person, getting to know her, seeing how she is with her family and co-workers, how she runs her home, how she takes care of her pets... and how I felt about moving to another country to be with her, weighing a future abroad away from friends and family.??C, 40, male, engaged

?We attended the CEFAM (marriage counseling) seminar which was very helpful. It made us realize that we were ready to make this commitment. We believed in the same things and we knew that we?d always come to an agreement in making bigger decisions in the future.??C, 31, female, two years married with a baby boy

?Asking the hard questions in a Discovery Weekend isn?t enough. There must be a real decision to stick together no matter what?walang iwanan.??M, 42, male

4. Do you think ?living-in? first is a good practice before getting married? If so, why?

?I?m married but I would recommend living-in before marriage. It?s actually a great way for couples to get to know each other better, and for me, a great test of how the couple will be able to adapt to married life. We lived together for a year and we?ve been sweethearts for 7 years.?? Female, 29, married five years

?Nope, it isn?t good ? there must be a true commitment before living in, otherwise you might just just be wasting each other?s time.??M, 42, male

5. How did/do you imagine your life would be after the wedding?

?I imagined we would embrace each other?s ?everythings??quirks, odd habits, family, work, friends, etc. I imagined we would have to make adjustments, but in the end we would still be ourselves as individuals, yet also have a solid singular partnership.??E, 29, female, two years married

?Of course there would now be limitations to what you used to do. You?re no longer just thinking of yourself. The family becomes your priority, especially if you have children.? ?M, 35, female, 35, married seven years with a four-year-old child

?My husband and I have agreed not to dwell on the lack of grand material stuff. We put more importance in getting the most joy out of married life. We imagine a simple life with our children whom we will teach to be polite, decent and conscious of their carbon footprints.?Female, 30, married one year and two months

From these responses, it?s apparent that people still believe in marriage despite the freedoms they enjoy from being single. Even those who?ve been scalded by previous failed marriages are ready to try again.

As Elizabeth Gilbert says in her book, ?Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage?:

?There are moments when I can almost see the space that separates (us) ? and that always will separate us ? despite the lifelong yearning to be rendered whole by somebody else?s love, despite all my efforts over the years to find someone who would be perfect for me and who, in turn, would allow me to become some sort of perfected being. Instead, our dissimilarities and our faults hover between us always, like a shadowy wave. But sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of Intimacy herself, balancing right there on that very wave of difference ? actually standing there right between us ? actually? standing a chance.? Women?s Feature Service