Three prominent mothers share the ups and downs of their experiences

MOTHERHOOD has its twists and turns. No single path is sure or destined, nor is an expected future certain. There are always bumps along the road, making the situations mothers face nowadays utterly complicated and challenging.

But throughout the ordeal, a mother will always be a mother ?instinctively looking out and fighting for her child?s welfare, well-being, and happiness, while carefully moulding him or her into being the best they can be ? despite the odds.

Here are three celebrity mothers who may have found themselves in situations that show the extent of motherhood, and how they prevailed.

Inah Revilla

In April 2008, just six months after her grand debut, Inah Revilla ?daughter of Senator Bong Revilla and Lani Mercado ? admitted she was pregnant.

She was carrying the child of close friend Vince del Rosario, son of her dad?s former chief of staff. She knew very well the news would not be met with hugs, and that if there were tears, they would not be of joy.

Her family was, as she pointed out, shocked and disappointed. ?My brothers were affected. Kuya Bryan was so depressed. He was affected more than Jolo. My mom, she was very disappointed because she expected the most from me. My dad, he did not talk to me for a week,? Inah told SIM.

Bewildered, Inah candidly admitted that she had thought of abortion. ?At first ? no, I don?t want to lie ? I did consider abortion,? she said. ?But I eventually decided not to abort the baby. It?s not worth it ? it?s a life. It?s so destructive ? it?s not me. If I aborted the baby, I would be depressed.?

Deciding to keep the baby and marrying the father led to the calling she did not expect to come at a very early age. She married Vince in a grand wedding at the Manila Cathedral on May 28 and gave birth to daughter Alexa Daniella on September 30. But looking back, it was something she did not regret.

?I was happy, especially when I was with my husband. I didn?t care whatever else anyone said. As long as I was happy with my husband and I was having his baby. It was all worth it,? Inah said.

Since then the entire Revilla and Del Rosario families have all supported the couple, who currently reside in the Ayala Alabang residence of the reelectionist senator.

?We may move out after the elections to have our own place, probably in the North near Cubao where Vince takes care of the family business,? Inah said.

Now, Inah juggles time between her chores as a mother and her studies at the Ateneo, where she is pursuing a Legal Management Degree.

It?s been refreshing and tiring because I go to school in Ateneo, and then I go home to Alabang. When I go home, I am sort of torn between school work or the baby ? siyempre (of course) baby. It?s been working out pretty well. Alexa is not a difficult child."

For Inah, being a hands-on parent is important.

?I believe that parents should take care of their kids. That?s why I want to be there for my child,? Inah said.

She emphasized that disciplining her child was more of communicating rather than physical punishment. ?I don?t believe in spanking. I would rather explain to her what she did wrong and urge her not to do it again.?

But Inah confesses Vince believes spanking is good. ?That?s how he was brought up,? she added.

Since having her baby and the controversy that surrounded it, Inah?s journey has been fulfilling.

?It?s been great. Kung okay lang talaga [If it?s okay], I would just stop school and be with my family ? if I had the choice, and it were all up to me. But of course, it?s not that way. It?s more complicated than that.?

But finishing school with a law degree is something she hoped to reward her parents and herself with. ?That would truly make my family proud of me.?

Pops Fernandez

We?ve always known Pops Fernandez as a performer, artist, the Philippines? ?Concert Queen.? But being mother to two young men, Robin and Ram Nievera, is another side of Pops, more deserving of an ovation that should even be more rousing than her concerts. Especially considering that she raised those kids mostly on her own.

?I thought in the beginning it was going to be difficult. There were, of course, a lot of questions, especially from Robin, my firstborn. I would read a lot of books. I would ask my mom, and then try to figure it out from other friends as well. Kaya lang, ang hirap (but it was so difficult) because I was a very young mother, and my friends had no intention of having kids just yet. I was actually the first one in my group to get pregnant. So I really had to learn on my own ? and I had to face a lot of trials,? Pops said.
Dealing with Robin was easy, she recalled.

?Robin was a very good boy ? and he?s still a good young man. He was always obedient... Although kids do have a tendency to do all the things that are bawal [forbidden]. They want to do whatever?s not allowed ? they?re curious and they want to discover things themselves. Parang [It?s like] the more I?d say no, the more he wanted to do it. So I tried a different strategy. I?d say, for example, go ahead and touch that. But if you do, it?s so hot you?re gonna get burned. He would listen, and probably be thinking, what?s she talking about? So I would take his finger and tap it on the thing. Tapos nagugulat siya, yeah it?s hot. Go ahead, if you?re still gonna touch it. I?m just warning you, it?s going to be painful. Then he stops. Oh my God, that works.?

Ram, she said, was the ?exact opposite.?

?They look the same, but whatever worked for Robin didn?t seem to work for Ram. That whole reverse psychology strategy didn?t work ? he didn?t care. So I?d be thinking, omigosh what am I doing wrong? You had to figure out a different approach and test it till it worked. Ram was always more determined ? whatever he wanted, he had to get.?

She?s always treated her boys equally, she said. Whatever Robin had, Ram also got ? including the clothes they wore.

?They looked like twins for a while. Until of course, as they grew up, they were like, ?You know, Mom, we don?t always have to dress the same.??

The most difficult part of being a parent, Pops recalled, was having to talk to her kids about ?changes? in the family, especially concerning their mom and dad?s separation.

?I was kinda scared of how they would take that and how they would try to understand it. In the beginning of course they were lost ? they didn?t know what was going on,? Pops said.

Eventually Pops did the most sensible thing ? face the issue head on, and tell them the truth, amid all the rumors and falsehoods circulating outside the home.

?Of course, they were hearing so many things outside the house. There were so many different stories. So I decided to just really be honest with them.?

What was important, she said, was emphasizing that none of it was their fault.

?[I] tried to make them understand it?s not their fault. I kept hearing that you always have to make sure that your kids know that a separation is not their fault, because they have the tendency to blame themselves. So I constantly kept on reminding them, guys it?s not your fault. If ever it?s just mom and dad.?

What?s ultimately rewarding for Pops is that in raising her sons, she?s gained two best friends.

?I would run to my kids, even when they were still so small. They would see me cry and they would ask, ?Mom what is wrong with you?? Nothing, it wasn?t a good day today? So growing up, I think they got used to that. Until now, even if I sometimes have problems of the heart, it?s already like ? hey guys, you know what? And they?re like, mom, ?It?s totally up to you.? Yeah, I know that. It?s just that I want to share. It?s my way of saying I really don?t know what to do. Here I am again. I don?t know what to do. But at the same time, once I tell you guys, it kinda feels better. So there you go, you don?t have to say anything.?

Despite all the fleeting triumphs and painful setbacks in her career, Pops knows where she stands.

?Well, you know what the industry?s like ? sometimes you feel so lost, and sometimes you feel that everything was just so temporary. And there are times things don?t go my way and I didn?t know how to handle it. So the only thing that I focus on, that I know is permanent in my life, are my two boys. They are really my strength.?

Toni Rose Gayda

No pain can ever compare to the anguish of a mother beholding her child gasping for his last breath.
Toni Rose Gayda faced this excruciating reality only just recently.
Her son James fell from their fourth floor condominium unit in Wack Wack, Mandaluyong City in the early morning of March 19. He was rushed to the Cardinal Santos Memorial Medical Center in San Juan, where he was pronounced dead a few hours later.

?It came as a shock to us. The afternoon before he died, I was cooking. Si James lumapit sa akin [James came to me], and asked what was cooking. I cooked four meals that day, instead of the usual two and he ate everything. That day, he wanted to go and check if he could enroll for summer classes. We also told him not to smoke in the room,? Toni Rose said.

?At around 5 a.m., he stepped out on the balcony to smoke. That was the very first time he did it,? she recounts. ?Then it happened. He fell. It was really an accident. He even tried to break his fall using his elbow that?s why his elbow got crushed. He was shouting in pain.?

When James passed away, Toni Rose said it seemed the world ended but a new life began ? thanks to her faith in God, which she believes prepared her and steeled her for such a tragedy.

?I don?t know what words to use to describe how I felt that day. But, God prepared me for that also. In all the tragedies na nangyari sa buhay ko [that happened in my life], God has always prepared me. When it happened, he had given me such grace to just believe I have a big God who never makes mistakes. Everything is in His will. Oras na niya yun [It was his time].?

It is this big faith in God that has steadied her in the midst of the turbulent sea.

?I give credit to my relationship with the Lord. The strength is supernatural ? like footprints in the sand. I?m functioning in His grace. I sense His loving arms. It?s really supernatural strength? I would pray and ask the Lord, if there?s one thing, it?s learning to walk with an open hand. In the same way you receive what?s given to you, you have to relinquish what is taken away. We must learn to trust God. No one is really prepared for a major tragedy until it happens. In a way, God always prepared me.?

Despite the tragedy, Toni Rose said, good things have come out of it. ?My ex-husband and I, at least, we can get to talk. The way James wanted us to talk. Ang daming nangyari, four people also benefited (referring to the family?s donation of James? cornea).?

?His death made me want not to waste my life,? she added. ?He has actually inspired me to make the most of my remaining years on earth? Life is too short to be wasted on negativity.?

But even as she seeks comfort in her faith, she doesn?t deny the pain of missing the presence of her son and best friend.
?James, he was such a loving person. It?s only been 27 years and he has friends from all walks of life? He was my best friend,? she muses. ?I love my two children but my relationship with James was different. I would talk to him about anything. We have the same hilig [interests]. Our music, our books, we always talk about crushes, pray together. We also understood each other even without saying anything.?

For most grieving mothers, the most difficult part is acceptance. But for Toni Rose, acceptance is an essential part of faith.

?I?ve accepted it knowing that I have a big God. Wala nang [No more] ?what if.? God has a reason for this? Know that God never makes mistakes. Walang ?ooops? sa [to] God. Even in the darkest moments, something good will always come out. The minute that he was pronounced dead, I?ve accepted it. We praised God. We thank God for it. Marami rin akong natutunan [I?ve also learned a lot]. I can say even for 27 years it was a full life.? ?