Attributing motherhood to nature and instincts alone devalues the nobility of motherhood

MOTHERS and motherhood are often used as metaphors for nurturing and for love, as in Mother Nature and Inang Bayan (the motherland). Underlying these metaphors is the presumption that all women are, by ?nature,? meant to be mothers.

There are indeed powerful biological forces that are triggered once a woman becomes pregnant. In her book ?The Female Brain,? Louann Brizendine, a psychiatrist and neurobiologist, describes the complex neuroendocrine interactions, that is the brain and the hormonal systems that are triggered by a pregnancy to bring about massive physical and emotional changes in a mother, from early pregnancy up to six months after delivery.

The Filipino term ?paglilihi? (?conceiving,? actually the first trimester of a pregnancy) recognizes the many changes: moodiness, the craving for certain foods as well as revulsion for others, morning sickness, all of which are signs of the neuroendocrine changes. The expectant mother experiences ?baby lust,? strong maternal feelings elicited by seeing (and, some claim, even smelling) other people?s babies.

The birthing process brings about another upheaval, hormones surging to make the uterus contract and, more importantly, to set off an imprinting process between mother and child. Brezendine describes the mix of aggressiveness and protectiveness, the ?mommy brain? becoming a vigilant ?global positioning system? (GPS) to spot any threat to her child, and that can include even her husband. The constant contact with the child is crucial here to keep those mothering ?instincts? going, so it?s not surprising that even fathers, adoptive parents and yayas, go through the imprinting, literally falling in love with the new member of the family.

Does all this prove that mothering is instinctive, that all women are meant to be mothers and that they don?t need to be ?taught??

I will step in and speak first as a veterinarian. The mothering instincts are indeed powerful; but even among animals, the ?instincts? vary. For all the talk of mothering being natural, you will have dogs that just can?t mother, the most extreme examples being those who devour their own newborn puppies. Others are totally devoted to the pups, constantly licking and cleaning them and nursing them even when they?re already a few months old.

In the end though, ?nature? has it limits, the mothering instincts wearing off even in the best of mother dogs (and other animals). They may remain close to their pups but there is no such thing as a ?mother-child? relationship in nature, beyond the nursing period.

With humans, we find a similar range of differences among mothers. Some women quickly take on to mothering early. Others are nonchalant, and still others might resent the pregnancy.

Ironically, some of the negative examples of mothering ?deficits? may be biological in nature. The hormonal changes can be so massive that they throw a woman off, creating problems like postpartum depression. This comes after delivery, and in a small number of women, can be so serious, even leading to infanticide.

Society and culture do shape mothering. For example, modern medicine disrupts many processes in delivery, including separating the newborn child from the mother. Many countries, the Philippines included, had to pass laws to stop this medical practice because it made it more difficult for mothers to breastfeed, as well as to ?imprint,? to create a bond with the child.

Obstetricians have many stories to share about the variations in mothering, including women who show up at the hospital about to deliver but having nothing at all: no diapers, no receiving blankets, no money. The obstetricians will lecture the expectant mother: ?Misis, you had nine months to prepare...? and the mothers will answer that they are so poor they could not afford to save for the child. I share the obstetricians? cycnicism about such excuses, often because I?ve seen how both the mother and father spend on cigarettes, alcohol, cellphone calls during the pregnancy.

And yet, maybe poverty does play a role in all this. The anthropologist Nancy Schepher Hughes made waves many years ago with her book ?Death Without Weeping? describing how Brazilian mothers in urban slums tend to keep distance from their infants, sometimes not even giving them names, until they?re about a year old. Schepher Hughes explains that the high infant death rates in urban slums may be responsible, the mothers almost afraid to bond with their newborn children, knowing the infant might die early and cause them more grief.

The brain and the hormones do kick in for some kind of instinctive behavior but parenting feelings and skills must be built up, through constant interaction with the child. Having too many children, having too many worries about making ends meet, even the lack of a longer maternity rest period, makes mothering difficult.

Mothers (and) fathers are made, not born. Attributing motherhood to nature and instincts alone devalues the nobility of motherhood. Strengthening social support systems and services, rather than rhetorical praise of an idealized motherhood, is the best way of honoring our mothers. ?